Gluttony: Fanfiction
Indulge Yourself!

Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 30/04/10 10:03 AM · Chapter: St. Mungo's

POOKA, my darling! How glorious to have you back and continuing your story!

All bloody hell is breaking loose again, isn't it? and poor old, angst ridden Harry, stumbling around in the middle, getting blamed for everything, AGAIN . . .

Hope he finds Luna, which will make her the first to 'escape' St. Mungo's ( that'll show that pompous windbag of a Healer )

Anyway, don't be a stranger and keep those chapters coming, as I really want to find our what happens next . . . I just LOVE cliffies!



Author's Response:

I'm sorry this took so long to get to.  Real-life has been hectic lately and I lost my way in the story a bit.  

There's definitely a reason for Harry's Angst and the reactions of people to him lately and we'll see why in the next few chapters.  

I'm glad you're still enjoying this, even after the long hiatus.



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 25/04/10 8:02 PM · Chapter: St. Mungo's

Fantastic. A one-way ticket for a ride on Guilt Express. As if our Harry hadn't had enough yet. A worthy continuation to your blessedly twisted story.

So, the Dementor is very much alive in Luna and it's capable of doing its deeds even while "imprisoned". One of the merits of DFK is your bravery. I have never read a story from a Dementor's POV. It has been a risky path to take but I daresay it has paid off; you created something completely new in Potterverse, something unmistakably your own.

That Patronus pin. It's a brilliant idea. The way it changes it's state several times in this chapter, only to finally destroy itself as Harry's positive emotions are reduced to nil and the feelings of guilt and despair take their place is creepy as hell.

Finally, the cliffhanger. I loves a good one! Now I'm even hungrier for the next installment. Good job!



Author's Response:

Guilt is a big part of this, and will be explained more in the coming chapters.  There's a reason that Harry's feeling so guilty and it's not just his angsty nature.

 

Yes, the Dementor is very active.  Thanks for the compliments.  I knew this would be a bit of a 'niche' story, but it was what I pictured, so I had to write it.

Yeah, the Patronus pin is new to the story with the rewrite.  I felt it was necessary to show that some of the bad emotions were external rather than internal.  

I'm glad you're enjoying this story and I'm sorry it took so long to update it.  I've just been inspired elsewhere, I guess.



Name: Bella_Portia (Signed) · Date: 23/04/09 7:46 PM · Chapter: Hard Truths

I'm so sorry this took so long.  I began to write this review at least twice before.  (Lost part of the last draft.)  Okay.  Here goes.

 

It does seem odd to refer to Harry, and those his age, as children. Harry is over 17 – an adult in the Wizarding world, and Ron and Hermione are 18.

The name of the separatist group "Wizards First" brought to mind the slogan of a certain major American political party in the last election.

The debate over the treatment of prisoners is interesting. I don’t recall Hermione being especially squeamish when it comes to using curses in a duel. But aside from that, the question of what to do with prisoners seems to rest more on pragmatic concerns than humane ones. Reason: this society has tolerated complete cruel and unusual punishment since Fudge (or his predecessor) installed the Dementors. Harry implies that the Dementors "should" be at Azkaban guarding the prisoners – and subjecting them to encroaching madness and slow death by depression. By comparison, a "magical coma" seems a far more humane means of detention. Moreover, it does not seem a lot worse than a Body Bind curse, or other magical means of keeping someone immobile. As to the "American Solution" – wasn’t it also the "Crouch" solution? Didn’t Barty, Sr., authorize the use of unforgivable curses on suspected Death Eaters? This presumably included Avada Kedavra. So it’s an interesting question how capital punishment might fit into the general scheme of law enforcement practice. (In a related subject, I particularly liked the discussion of deadly force in the conversation between Harry and Conner later in the chapter.)

I thought the makeshift Pensieve was ingenious, and the discussion of the Enveloping Patronus charm fascinating.

Harry’s emotional outburst was very "Harry" and very believable. The part about Harry’s "issue" with his Patronus (his and the two borrowed Patronuses) was really original and gave a sense of his desperation.

I was happy to see the spell that went with the charm I helped translate.

The conclusion, with Harry learning that real "heros" were not fighters but people who anticipated the danger and acted accordingly, was also very telling with respect to Harry’s state of mind. One gets the sense the he must endure constant criticism when he is least able to bear it.

Great chapter.



Author's Response:

One of the things that I was trying to show, but seem to have failed at was that the Dementor is causing problems for everyone; they're all being infected with negative emotions.  That's one of the reasons that Kingsley was so short-tempered.  That's why Kingsley would call them children.  Don't you think of even twenty-somethings as children sometimes?  I know I do...

I've always pondered the dichotomy between a society that allows the DK but not capital punishment, seems very odd to me.  I'm particularly glad that you liked the discussion between Conner and Harry; Conner's seen a lot and he wanted to impart some wisdom to Harry, but Harry's a bit hard-headed sometimes.

As you know, the Enveloping Patronus is extremely important later and I'm really happy with the spell you translated for me. 

I actually took 'Wizards First' mostly from 'Humans First' in the Anita Blake novels by Laurell K. Hamilton, but as you say, there have been many, many groups with similar names and credos.

And you're right; Harry always seems to hear hard truths at unbearable times.



Name: Georgia Weasley (Signed) · Date: 02/04/09 11:43 PM · Chapter: Hard Truths
I think you've gotten Harry's angsty temper just right. It is interesting that Connor think he doesn't have the right temperment to be an Auror. I often thought about that. Harry lacks the logical, strategic mind that comes with planning attacks and defenses. He's always been more of a jump in there and fight kind of guy, flying by the seat of his pants. Most of his 'plans' came from Hermione's keen intellect.
Wow, I should have read this before asking you to do your won spell for LDWS. Great job on the Patronus containment spell. The idea of putting them into a pin for the owner to wear is genius.
The only thing that I struggled with a little (and only a little) was Kingsley's characterization. He seemed a little too political, too Scrimgeour, than I would have thought from his character in the stories. Of course, being a soldier is different from being in charge, so who knows how it would have been. I just don't see him as being that dismissive of Harry's contributions to the war. And that leads me to the question, where was Connor during the war? Does he know nothing of what Harry did for 'others'? He better watch out for who he accuses of not thinking of others, and lacking hero qualities.
This was a really good chapter. I am so intrigued by the actions of Ginny's and Luna's patronuses. Very well done. Sorry it took so long to get over here and read it!~GW

Author's Response:

I'm so glad that someone agrees with me about Harry and Aurors; I think Harry had a lot of maturing to do still before he became a good Auror. 

The idea for the Patronus pin was mine, but Bella_Portia came up with the incantation for it.  Out of the several suggestions she made, I chose the one I thought looked most elegant and not the one that made the most sense.  More on the pins in the next chapter; they are a new addition here and meant to help clear up a problem with the original story.

 Which brings us to Kingsley.  I wanted to show by the pins that Dementors were affecting all of them, which would help to account for Kingsley's aggression here to Harry.  I see I still need to clarify that as it will be important to understand that Dementors are having outside effects on people.

At the time of the war, Conner was working in the U.S. as the wizarding Secret Service liaison, protecting the U.S. president from magical threats.  I have his entire history worked out as a character backstory and would love to write his and Gio's stories, but I just don't have the time...

 Thank you for your very kind review and as always, I appreciate your CC.



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/03/09 10:56 AM · Chapter: Hard Truths
Hi Carl,

Finally, the long-awaited Chapter 8.

Not all darkness has gone from the worlds with Voldemort's death. Again, the good side sustained heavy losses.

Everybody, at least once in their life, has to face the consequences of choices made. Harry, saving some people's lives couldn't save others and he's haunted by these thoughts.

One thing I found pretty remarkable, his conflict with his old friend, now Minister. As it seems, Kingsley took up the customs of his predecessors too quickly.

Gio is an interesting original character and a powerful wizard. I like him a lot.

Also a big kudos for your original idea of the Patronus pin.

I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapters and I do hope it turns good for our heroes.

Zoltan

Author's Response:

Your comment about facing consequences will really come home in the next two chapters, I promise.

The conflict between Kingsley is mostly due to the effect of the Dementors.  This wasn't very clear in the original and I thought I made it more clear here, but I guess I still need to make it more clear. 

Glad you liked Gio and the Patronus pin.  Gio has an interesting history and I've been thinking about writing his story, but I don't know if I'd have time for it. 

Our heroes have some tough times ahead.

Your comment about darkness makes me think of Susan Cooper's works.  A lot of evil in it is from the Dark, but people also make their own evil, unrelated to pure evil.  That's what I was trying to show with the separatist attack.



Name: Bella_Portia (Signed) · Date: 22/03/09 11:06 PM · Chapter: The Battle of Weasley's Wake

You did a fantastic job with this very complicated, action-filled chapter.  Indeed, I don't know where to start.  

The Dementor's voice that bookends this chapter is creepy and intriguing. 

But what really impressed me was the way you practically choreographed the action sequence, then described it very specifically and graphically and -- in many places -- very imaginatively.  That two-wanded splinching spell was supercool. 

I did make a mental note to ask you about this one:  "With the ebony wand held in his other hand, he silently deflected a Stunning Curse from Ron."   I couldn't understand why Ron would be directing a curse at Gio -- unless it was directed at someone else and ricocheted, or something.

I really liked the variety of curses you had people using in battle.  And the dilemma where Harry only had time for one shot and had to chose who got the bullet (so to speak) -- that was a great scene.  As was the one that followed it:  I was so impressed by how logically you had thought through the DK reversal scene.  

The only thing that puzzled me a little was -- Luna, whose thought process seemed heavily affected by the Dementor inhabiting her, had done an unnecessarily thoughful and selfless thing.  In other words, she doesn't seem to be doing much to benefit "her" Dementor; yet, at the end, it at first believes itself free, and then, even realizing it isn't free, seems awfully optimistic.   

All in all, I thought the action and the characterizations were outstanding in this chapter, which flowed like a movie. 



Author's Response:

Thanks for the compliments.  I changed the one sentence to read '...he silently deflected a Stunning Curse away from Ron.' to make it more clear that he was watching Ron's back.

I actually sent this chapter off to be betaed twice.  I wasn't happy with it after the first beta round and added some emotion, characterizations, and reforammted it slightly to make it flow better.  reallyginny's advice and patience with this was invaluable. 

I'm glad you thought it flowed like a movie.  I wanted it to move quickly and keep the pace up, so I'm glad that worked.  Gio's duelling ability might or might not be explained in this story; I haven't decided yet.  

Luna's having real problems and it will be better shown in two chapters.  The dementor is feeding subtly at this point, but it will hasten soon as you know. 

This is my favourite chapter in the story...I think I secretly want to write action.

Glad you like the splinching, I outright stole it from playing D&D.  D&D is great for imagining action scenes.



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 21/03/09 2:27 PM · Chapter: Hard Truths

WHoa, those were hard truths but they don't know EVERYTHING, do they?

Too bad about Gabrielle. 

Nice to see an update, keep it going!

 



Author's Response:

I'm afraid the angst is going to get cranked up another notch in the next two chapters, but I promise that it's with a reason.  And no, they definitely don't know everything.

Thanks for the review, and the next update will probably be a while, unfortunately.



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/02/09 10:41 AM · Chapter: The Battle of Weasley's Wake
Right in the middle of a full-flavoured, R-rated action scene. That's what I call adrenaline rush!

Further, we learn about yet another of Luna's capabilities, this time a newly obtained one, as she reverses the Dementor's kiss on Ginny. Unexpected, eerie, blood-chilling. This chapter kept me at the edge of my seat.

Thumbs up!

Author's Response:

This was my first experience with a battle scene and it's not wildly different from the original.  I must admit that it's my favourite chapter that I've ever written, but I can't exactly say why. 

I really, really wanted this chapter and the following chapter to be a brutal punch in the ribs. 

Thanks for the reviews and compliments.  Thanks also for the CC, I truly appreciate CC.

And I promise that you will understand more about how she reversed the DK, even if it will never be completely spelt out.



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/02/09 10:31 AM · Chapter: Fred's Wake
A very strong beginning with Harry knocked out and his dream/nightmare is described in a bloody creepy, eerie way.

I had the feeling that you'd tried to cram too many events, happenings into a relatively short chapter: the wake, his row with Ron and Luna, Harry's drinking scene, the interlude with Gabrielle, the start of the attack... way too much. Unfortunately I myself am not devoid of this crime...so who am I to judge :)

Maybe splitting up this chapter into
two and expanding some of the events would make it a lighter reading.

Still a nice chapter, anyway :)

Author's Response:

You're right, this chapter starts a lot of plot threads that need to be dealt with.  The scene with Harry's vision is absolutely necessary for what happens later and was missing in the original.  Gabrielle's scene was also added to explain what happens to her later. 

I really wanted this chapter to illustrate that this fic was about to get dark. 

Thanks for the advice to split the chapter.  I might do that.



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/02/09 10:13 AM · Chapter: Friends or Lovers?
Now we get a full understanding of what had happened with Harry's Patronus. It seems someone other's Patronus has changed as well.

What remains unexplained is how the two had grown together, how they actually had fallen in love. Harry was the whole year in hideout. They'd seen each other in Malfoy Manor and afterwards both spent some time at Shell Cottage, but we were not aware of any of their feelings towards each other, save the strong friendship they always felt. I hope this will be clarified in further chapters, otherwise the whole thing might not make any sense.

A very touching, lovely scene between the two. Their unbuttoning feelings for each other are depicted in a very gentle, fragile way.

Author's Response:

You are correct that all is not explained right now.  This is sort of the main point of the story--how did they become attracted?  What happened to pull Luna and Harry together?  I promise the answer is coming, but it will not be immediate.

I really wanted the scene with Harry and Luna mending the broken glass to parallel the scene with Harry and Ginny making breakfast, but I'm not sure if that came through.



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/02/09 10:02 AM · Chapter: A Visit to the Lovegood's
In this chapter Harry faces many-many confrontations. First, with Hermione. Then, with his own feelings he still doesn't understand. Third, the confrontation between Dean and himself. Again, Dean is pissed because he thinks Harry is aiming - again - at his girlfriend.

Finally, the shocking discovery of the Patronuses. Dean handles the situation in a very mature way, although not without a grudge, saying his one, simple sentence before he leaves.

This is the best chapter so far.

Author's Response:

This chapter was almost all new.  Dean's reaction in the original was quite different.  Something I've been doing in this fic is trying to build in parallels to reinforce certain ideas.  I realised that if Harry went after Luna (and there was a Dean/Luna interest) that Harry would have stolen Dean's girl twice and I couldn't ignore that.  Dean in the original was not presented as heroic until the end when what he did was presented (can't give spoilers).  I'm glad that you enjoyed Dean's reaction.

The Patronus switching is also new, but I needed to go more into Patronus lore as what happened in the original version confused a lot of people, so I'm making it more clear now.  It is very, very important. 

I'm interested that you found this the best chapter and gratified.  Thank you.

Harry will be a bit of CAPSLOCK HARRY in this fic, but there's a reason why.



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/02/09 9:50 AM · Chapter: Another Funeral
Our heroes are trying to live with their grief. The sphere of this chapter is, of course, sad, rather depressing; but the cloud shows its silver lightning, as we witness Harry's reconciliation with Ginny. A touching scene with Molly and Arthur, the latter coalling her by the name only he's entitled to use... wonderful bit!

Just when we feel being content, from the same cloud a monstrous lighning strikes.

The language you are using throughout is nice, yet simple, simple, yet mature and literate, a really nice reading experience.

Author's Response:

Thank you for the compliment on my 'voice'.  I've only been writing for about a year now and have only written about 100,000 words total, so I'm really only finding my voice now.  In the original, my voice wasn't nearly as developed and it was immature and callow, so I'm glad it's not now.

When I came up with the concept, Ginny wasn't as involved in the ending, but as I wrote it, she forced her way more and more into the later chapters, so the bit in the garden was all-new for the re-write.  It adds to the story by providing a good H/G moment to show he cares about her, too. 

I've always thought that Harry was a troubled young man and probably suffered PTSD after DH.



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/02/09 9:39 AM · Chapter: Lavender's Funeral
The first part with Harry and Molly felt like a bit of a filler in the beginning. Molly's sentence "Then you need to be brave and stand with her now" is a killer one! I loved it!

The funeral scene was slow and long enough, more of it would have been absolutely unnecessary. Here's another "dangerous" enterprise of yours, Harry/Luna. There are again relatively few fics built around this pairing, two remarkably similar persons. You are building up the process of their getting nearer gradually, in a careful way, therefore it comes over absolutely realistically. Weird, but not only Harry, but the reader as well "becomes aware of her female presence in a way he'd never been before".

Nice job!

Author's Response:

Thanks for the compliment about how I'm building the H/L pairing.  I've read quite a few non-canon pairings where the canon partner is just discarded without explanation and I'm not doing that with Ginny for sure. 

I had help with that sentence from my beta, reallyginny; she helped immensely with the dialogue.  I've never been 100% satisfied with the funeral, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. 

 Thanks for your compliments.



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/02/09 9:24 AM · Chapter: Prologue: The Battle of Hogwarts
The prologue starts off directly with a battle scene, in the good old traditions of the ancient Greek drama: In medias res; right in the middle.

I don't remember ever having read any HP fic from a Dementor's POV. I was afraid first that you were walking a thin line, but taking this POV you had full artistic freedom and you perused it in a magnificent way.

We never learnt what exactly had happened with Lavender, only that she's dead.

A really daring enterprise and a very pleasant reading so far. Were it a normal chapter, it could have been somewhat longer, but it's not really necessary for a Prologue.

Author's Response:

Thanks for the compliment on the Dementor's POV.  I hoped that I did an okay job as it's going to continue in the rewrite to have more to say.  I prefer to start in media res...I just like the style.

You're right that we don't know what happened to Lav.  Personally, I thought she died in DH, but that's not canon.  Canon doesn't say one way or the other.

Thanks for the reviews.



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 07/02/09 9:43 PM · Chapter: The Battle of Weasley's Wake

What a great battle and that bit with Luna and the Dementor and Ginny was wild!

NOW what is that sneaky little dementor doing? Naughty, naughty! Actually this story is REALLY good!



Author's Response:

Thanks for the review.  I'm happy that you're still reading this even after it took a while to update.

 Thanks for the compliment. You'll see more of what the Dementor is up to soon...HeHeHE.



Name: Georgia Weasley (Signed) · Date: 07/02/09 11:16 AM · Chapter: The Battle of Weasley's Wake
The changes in Luna are so strange, sometimes I struggle to understand exactly what has happened to her. I think that is the intention, though, for the reader to know she's been possessed, but not to know how much power the Dementor has and how much strength is all Luna. Her ability to control the Dementors, and the difference in the Patronus charm with her, is all very intriguing. This is a very different sort of magic, and one that I haven't seen before. I really appreciate the originality of this story. My favorite part, and yes I'm silly for picking this out of all the wonderful action and dialogue, is when George shakes his bum at the enemy and asks "Who's next?" I love it. Maturity IS overrated, you know. Great chapter.

Author's Response:

I must admit that I almost cut the George part because I hate too much talking during fight scenes (*evil villain details plot while heroes wait patiently*--just blast him while he's pontificating)!  But, I thought the line was funny, so I left it in as well as the DE trying to unnerve Ron.

I promise that I have an explanation for both the Patronus changes and how she's getting strength to do what she's doing. 

This was really the first action scene I had written and it got re-written three times before I was satisfied with it.  reallyginny deserves a lot of credit for helping me to see the flat points in it and helping me to improve it.

 Thanks so much for your kind words and your review. 



Name: Bella_Portia (Signed) · Date: 31/01/09 11:20 PM · Chapter: Fred's Wake
First "first person sequence": First of all, when I came to this sequence to review, I read back through the preceding chapters (quickly, I admit); and it seemed that every time you used the device of putting sections into italicized first person, it was the voice of the Dementor. Since I know you favor italicizing thoughts, my suggestion is to use the bare minimum amount of italics to get the idea across.  I hope I am not out of place, but I just quoted the whole section to illustrate what I meant:Pain: The squeezing of Apparition should stop soon. Cold: A Dementor’s near. Fear: No! It cant have me. Love: Ginny’s face, morphing now into Luna’s. Lunas eyes darken, her pupils expand to fill her whole eye. She’s coming to Kiss him. He runs and runs, but can’t escape. She drags him down and clamps her bruised purple lips on his. At first, the kiss is warm and soft. Eager lips devour his, turn fierce. He opens his eyes and tries to pull away. Skeletal hands clamp the back of his head and force it down. And then – he can see the Dementor’s features merging with Luna’s. It pulls its mouth back slightly. It starts to draw out his soul. Otherwise, you want to make it clear to the reader whose head they are in.  (The beginning of this section [Pain:, etc.] had me guessing a bit at first.) The Sensation-Colon-explanation construction was a little jarring for me.   I understand that was the intent. But I wonder if "I feel pain" or "Now I’m freezing" would give you more flexibility and be less jolting for the reader.  If memory serves, you use the same construction with the Dementor's thoughts; and I understand the wish to keep it consistent.  But if this is Harry thinking, he should have his own pattern, anyway.   She drags me down and clamps her bruised purple lips on mine. = great line!"At first I think I was wrong; the kiss is warm and soft." Suggest eliminating first clause so it reads, "At first, the kiss is warm and soft." In context, I thought the "I think I was wrong" was unnecessary.) "It pulls its mouth back slightly and starts to draw out my soul." = This is a wonderfully creepy description. I would just suggest breaking it into two sentences. Just the idea of a Dementor puckering up is enough to make me go eeeeeekk!The "Expecto Patronum" confused me a bit. I wasn’t sure if Harry was hearing someone else, or if he was intoning, or thinking, the incantation in desperation, even though he had no wand. And the memories. I thought that was nicely done. On the recollection of Cedric, perhaps make it more clear that the Dementor was devouring Harry’s memory of Cedric’s character and comradery, but leaving the depressing experience of his death and the pallor of his corpse."Voldemort having killed me again as Narcissa tells him that I live." Other way round: she told Voldemort he was dead.You're gonna explain where that Patronus came from, eventually, right?The entire earlier sequence at the wake -- from the punch by Ron, through that speeches by George and Harry, to the discovery of Ginny with Luna, was very well done.  I thought the "glorious pain" bit was pretty neat; made the Dementor seem like a parasite that influences the behavior of its host for its own benefit. I did think "I wish Voldemort had killed you" was a bit strong, even given the circumstances.  But that's just me.  It just seemed a bit like the wizard equivalent of blasphemy.I love the lyrics.  But is it possible to simultaneously head-bang and pogo?  And, honestly, if they were playing thrash punk, that Death Eater should not have had a chance.Very nice chapter with exceptionally creepy ideas in there.  I am sorry this has taken me so long to post.

Author's Response:

I'll start at the end first, I have succesfully head-banged and pogoed at the same time and know that it's possible, but that may be why my back hurts now! 

I'm not fussed about how long it took you to review.  I'm excited for reviews and especially your reviews.

There's a reason that Harry's vision is italicized and in first person--this is the first time we're seeing the Dementor's effects spreading and you will see more of it in two chapters.  As for the line about Narcissa, the line under it says "Luna’s eyes close and the reflection of what could have happened fades"  The Dementor's influence was also inflicting pain that way by projecting a nightmare or showing Harry a fear of his about what could have happened.  Harry was definitely trying to incant in desperation, but as so often happens in a nightmare, he was helpless.

And if by 'that Patronus' you mean the Patronus light that shone between them, then yes, that will eventually be made clear as well.

Ah, Ginny's reaction is very strong and it's meant to be.  Again, more on that in two chapters.

 



Name: Georgia Weasley (Signed) · Date: 29/01/09 5:48 PM · Chapter: Fred's Wake
Death Eaters really can't accept that their time is over, can they? It can't be good that Harry's support system is a little broken at the moment. Weasley's are turning their backs and he is going to need them. Hermione will help, but I get the sense that she'll side with Ron if it comes right down to it. I can't wait to meet the shaman that has been the Lovegood family doctor for so long. She's either as nuts as them, or very long on patience. Either way, a good character in the making. I think it is a rather low blow for the DE's to attack at Fred's wake, although George had him going out in style. Great job!

Author's Response:

The shaman is a new character for the re-write and she will fulfill an important narrative problem that the original story had and give an insight into Luna that we don't often see. 

Do you really think the Weasley's will turn their back on Harry?  More on this, I promise to come in the next three to four chapters.  Harry's support system will shift, but not break.

And as for the DEs.  You'll hear more about them in two chapters and their motives for attacking the wake and not the Lupins' funeral.  This is where the story starts to earn its M rating-get ready for some punches to the gut (metaphorically speaking).

 I'm so glad that you enjoyed it enough to read the whole thing so far.  Thanks for your reviews and support.



Name: Georgia Weasley (Signed) · Date: 29/01/09 5:37 PM · Chapter: Friends or Lovers?
I love the details you put into this story. A lot of authors don't take the time to truly set up a story and rush right into the drama and action, but you are really putting the pieces together for us a step at a time and drawing the reader in. Even those of us that are not regular Luna/Harry shippers can see that this is not some contrived way of putting them together. This could be a plausible event, and I am really entranced by the way you are developing the story.

Author's Response:

Thank you for letting me know that the pacing was okay.  I actually worried that this was rushing as most of the story takes place over three days, but as I said before there are external forces at work, too.

I did not picture this as a Harry/Luna story first and the attached plot to it to develop that, and I think it shows from your comments.  I developed it as a Luna gets the Dementor's Kiss story and it evolved into a Harry/Luna story from the plot bunny. 

I'm glad that you think it's a plausible event, because it seems far-fetched to me, but fun.



Name: Georgia Weasley (Signed) · Date: 29/01/09 5:30 PM · Chapter: A Visit to the Lovegood's
I love how I can see the details of DH have been researched and included here. Dean's reaction to Harry's presence is written very well. Jealousy is well warranted, now that Harry seems to have gotten Dean's girl TWICE. The description of what Dean saw when the Dementor attacked Luna is very well written, and I am intrigued to see what quality she possesses that allowed her to reverse the kiss that way. The Dementor's thoughts are very creepy, by the way. I love it. :)

Author's Response:

Dean's reaction here was greatly improved in the re-write...In the original, I had him just angry, like Harry in OotP or GoF and it was just not right, so I added the bit about stealing his girl twice and I thought it worked, glad to see you did too!

It's important to the plot that Harry starts to see what's going on as he can be a bit thick (kidding).  I find it's actually harder to write the small Dementor snippets than the big bit in the prologue, but they're necessary to give some behind the scenes info from the Dementor's POV.

In the original, Dean wasn't presented in a flattering way and I hope that I've changed that here.  He IS a Gryffindor after all.



Name: Georgia Weasley (Signed) · Date: 29/01/09 5:19 PM · Chapter: Another Funeral
Wow! Don't mess with Ginny! I wonder what got her so riled? The funeral of the Lupins and Teddy's reactions were done beautifully. I also like the way you've written George here. He isn't shattered, as much as he is pursued by a dogged determination to fulfill Fred's wishes for a wake and funeral done in Twin Style. After that is successfully pulled off, I wonder how he will react. Extremely well done.

Author's Response:

I'm sorry to say that things won't go well for George, but you've already read some of it. 

Ah, Ginny...she didn't react well to what Harry said, did she, but I promise there's more to it than just anger at what he said...there's external reasons.

I admit that I've never been happy with the eulogy and the Lupins' funeral, but it's what I've got down and everytime I tried to re-write it to improve it, I never came up with anything I considered better.

I really like George's anger in this chapter and again credit to reallyginny for helping me direct it in a more George-like manner.



Name: Georgia Weasley (Signed) · Date: 29/01/09 5:08 PM · Chapter: Lavender's Funeral
I loved Molly's take on Harry attending Lavender's funeral. She was with him in life, so he should be there for her in death. Molly is very strong here.
I see the interest developing between Harry and Luna. I'm usually a canon girl, but I will read anything well written, and this is! The way you have the Dementor intertwined with Luna is fascinating. Really, to see a story so different is refreshing. Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response:

The scene with Molly really developed with reallyginny's help--she really helped me nail down Molly's reaction better.  I had her a bit too emotionally detached and reallyginny's beta work made all the difference there.  I would be interested to have had you read the original and compare them just to see how much difference reallyginny made.

If you're a canon girl, then you might be disappointed here as this is definitely a Harry/Luna story, but I promise that I'm not just going to throw Ginny to the side and dismiss her (I hate that in some Dramiones and other Harry/other ships that they just discard Ron or Ginny).

I'm so glad that you find this interesting as the original version got widely varied reviews.

 



Name: Georgia Weasley (Signed) · Date: 29/01/09 5:02 PM · Chapter: Prologue: The Battle of Hogwarts
Very original! I've never seen a story from the Dementor's POV, or at least not one I'd care to remember. Of course Luna would be different enought to cause this to happen. She has always seemed to have a carefree attitude and endless optimism. Somewhere, those sad and painful memories have to be hidden away, though. This is really creative. I'm interested to keep reading and see what happens next!

Author's Response:

When I first wrote this story, only the prologue had the Dementor's POV, but I wanted to make it more clear through the story what was going on, so I added it. 

Luna's attitude always intrigued me.  She gets picked on a lot and must have some negative emotions, so to me they must have been hidden away.  I'm glad that you think this is creative as I didn't want to be too derivative of others.

 



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 21/01/09 8:46 PM · Chapter: A Visit to the Lovegood's

Pookha,

I find the plot of this fascinating, in that Luna could be so very "Luna-ish", for lack of a better term, to suck in a Dementor and still be herself. In fact, it's like she reversed a Dementor's Kiss and the Dementor was the one who got 'had'. That is absolutely brilliant for a plot.

The writing is good, as is the characterization, to me. Hermione laughing at Harry at the dream? Yeah, I can see that. She would.

OK, now don't take this comment wrong, but...

The only problem I have with it is this - and again, it's me personally - Harry/Luna gives me the "creepin' willies" almost as much as Dramione does. I can't take it. This is one ship I just have to pass on.

 Honesty, other than that, it's a great read, and I'm sure that if I can tune out the ship, I'll really enjoy it. Otherwise, I say it's a 10/10.



Author's Response:

Wow, thanks for reading.  I must admit that I'm a Harry/Luna shipper and have one more story featuring them in progress (which at this point means that it needs to be written, but I know the story).  It's interesting to me the reactions that people have to Harry/Luna--most people seem to feel 'eh' about it, but some really detest it. 

 If you had read the original story before the re-write, I don't think you would have enjoyed it for the writing, but reallyginny has helped me improve greatly. 

am glad that you liked the plot.  I think it's a pretty original plot and I'm gratified to see that most people agree.  Be warned that this story will take a strange and dark turn soon.

Thanks for the kind words.



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 19/01/09 1:28 AM · Chapter: Fred's Wake

Glad to see you back.

VERY interesting chapter, but WHAT A MESS with GInny . . .and Luna.

Who is the Death Eater? and where did he come from???

That's going to bug me, that is!

HE!HE!HE!

p.s.

good song!



Author's Response:

Sorry for how long it was between updates.  I was having a hard time writing around Christmas with work being so busy.

Yes the situation between Harry/Ginny/Luna is a mess.

It's not just one DE, it's a crew of them, as you'll see in about a week-the next chapter is in beta right now.  As to what they're (DE) doing, it will be explained in two chapters.

Glad you liked the song...Honestly, I thought I was writing a deliberately bad song, but people seem to really like it.  Maybe I captured the punk spirit better than I thought I did.



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