Gluttony: Fanfiction
Indulge Yourself!

Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 20/05/10 9:22 AM · Chapter: Chapter 25 : Plans, Practice, Potions and Portkeys

Now, suddenly, things are set in motion. Two attacks, one at the Burrow and one at St. Mungo's prove that the DE are very much alive and kicking. And, as it seems, Hogwarts Express is not the safest place on Earth. The contrast with serenity of the previous chapter is HUGE, but that's a good writer!

Again, many things in many plotlines are happening in each and every chapter and I keep asking myself how you can order your thoughts. Pretty much the same question you asked about updating several WIP's at once :D

I think the spell to open a door is "AlohOmora" instead of "AlohAmora".



Author's Response:

OMG! I got a spell WRONG!!!!!!!!

I checked the Lexicon and you're right . . . . and to think it got past those 'know it all, snobby, osds" mods at those other sites!!!!!! I will change ASAP! Guess I'm so used to "Aloha", the Hawaiian greeting, that I spelled it like it sounded to me . . .  goes to prove the spelling/grammar/punctuation/canon nazi isn't perfect . . . .  I STAND CORRECTED!!!!!!

Yeah, the story is gathering speed and careening downhill like a runaway train . . . . Hogwarts Express just screamed by . . . . HE!HE!HE!

Thanks for the R&R's!

 



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 20/05/10 9:12 AM · Chapter: Chapter 24 : “Well, well . . . look who the cat dragged in . . ”

Again, introducing me to an expression you've been using quite often: "worse for the wear". Seems my poor vocabulary's getting a healthy boost by merely reading your stories :D

You really made from the greasy, grumpy Potions Master a lovable family man. I think it's just one of the biggest transitions I've ever seen in a story. Apart from Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, of course.

On a sidenote, the mere thought of cat-Minerva and Crookshanks chasing rat-Peter made me burst out into uncontrollable giggles. "I have no doubt in your feline abilities, Minerva..." My ass :D



Author's Response:

How about 'rode hard and put away wet"? HE!HE!HE!

Well, to tell you the truth, the VAST relief of being safe, with Anna and the kids and having survivied BV and Bella and still being able to help with the fight against the DEs, and help the DA, etc, has allowed Severus to show ( for the most part ) his true nature . . . he doesnt' have to act the spy anymore, he can relax and be himself, although the snarky side slips out every once in a while . . . you'll see.

HE!HE!HE!

 



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 20/05/10 9:03 AM · Chapter: Chapter 23 : What’s the good word…or bad?

I found the scene with Severus reuniting with his mother('s ghost) touching. For some reason, it prompted me to re-read Bella_Portia's Wizard Sabbath, which I will do as soon as I'm finished with you :D

You put a tad bit of yourself into Granma Eileen. Very recognizable, the loving Mom-Mom. 

Also a nice touch having Augusta come to Hoggie-Hoggie-Hogwarts. Neville can now be extremely thankful to Snape for making Potions a most hated subject :D

Just a small question: did you ever have problems validating your stories because of "net-speak"?



Author's Response:

Yeah, we Mom-moms have to stick together!

I used "net-speak"? What is net-speak? And no, that's never been a problem, that I'm aware.

Punctuation was my big problem and it took me a LONG time to get back in the groove . . . 7th grade English was YEARS ago ( 50! )



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 20/05/10 8:56 AM · Chapter: Chapter 22 : ‘With a little bit of blooming luck…’

A TOTALLY awesome scene between Bella and Severus. She was never trusting him anyway and now she can have her revenge on him... or not? A sparkling dialogue and some goody action. This is where Mr. Felix Felicis comes in handy, courtesy to Anna :D

Too bad the bitch couldn't experience the adrenaline rush coming from bungee-jumping without a rope :D

I noticed you using "God speed" a few times now. Is it an older expression that's not being used that much nowadays or an Americanism? I have never come across it before today.



Author's Response:

Timing is EVERYTHING and considering my fear of heights, this was a semi-hard scene to write, but hopefully, you got the idea of how it really would appear that Severus was lost. It all hinged on Baldie Voldie NOT wanting to retrieve Severus' body, but letting him dissappear forever in the sea.

"God speed" is an old blessing to travelers and just seemed something the passage door would say as a matter of course.



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 20/05/10 8:21 AM · Chapter: Chapter 21 : Say the Secret Word, part two

Some pretty good job done here inventing Parseltongue, even the structure of the sentences seemed logical. Language freak here, sorry. BTW, noticed some eerie resemblance to Tolkien's Black Speech the One Ring was inscribed with.

Spy glass come in handy. Instantly want one :D

I foresee some really BAD things concerning Severus. Wouldn't want Bella as my enemy. Wait, do I see Stallone hanging on the cliff? Or will it be Severus playing cliffhanger? Pun intended :D



Author's Response:

Read "Ring" triolgy . . waste of my time . . .sorry . . it's the male version of a chick flick, especially since they made thos movies . . yawn!

ANYWAY,back to your review.  . . . yeah Bella is one loaded gun, isn't she?  Don't worry, Severus hasn't survivied THIS long to let that b!tC# get him!



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 20/05/10 8:13 AM · Chapter: Epilogue

I'll have you know that I'm finally through with your story. Seeing the small A/N here, I decided to work my way backwards, just  like you wrote the story :D

I totally could find myself in Severus, been the same nervous at my own wedding. Only, I didn't wear a tuxedo :D

Remaining truthful to your reputation, m'dear. Even here, tying up all loose ends, managed to squeeze in a cliffie. I totally demand a spinoff on Remus/Gwen!

A hell of a ride, sometimes bumpy, sometimes bumpier; a wonderfully twisted story and some AWESOME OC. I loved every piece of it.



Author's Response:

I didn't write it backwards!  I just had the idea for the wedding scene of the epilogue WAY before I wrote most of the two stories . . . it was then the fun part of filling in the middle . . in order to GET to the wedding!  Okay, I fogrgive you the blasphemy of reading the ending first, but from the look of it, you have left more reviews, so I'll now go see what you've read and what you think . . .  HE!HE!HE!



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 26/04/10 3:27 PM · Chapter: Chapter 20 : You were saying?

So, now everybody that matters knows the truth about Anna, and also about Anna and Severus. 

And that makes the count of Sybil Trelawney's REAL prophecies to a stunning THREE in what? Eighteen years? And you were getting a salary, boarding and meals for THAT? What worries me most - and your heroes as well - is that "HE WILL COME FROM WITHIN". That's just too bad, but luckily there's the Marauders' Map. TA-DAAAH!

So much about my previous foreclosure of something bad some time soon. Brilliant chapter!



Author's Response:

Well, they do some 'field trip/exploring' and kinda/sorta make a few changes/additions to their defense plans . . .you'll see.

Sybil might not do many prophecies, but the ones she does are spot on, so they take her very seriously.

Gald you enjoying this . . .hard to stop reading, isn't it?! 

HE!HE!  ( he's hooked, boys and girls . . . )



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 26/04/10 3:14 PM · Chapter: Chapter 19 : Now. Now? Now! NOW? NOW!!!

OK, this turned out to be a many-events-in many-plotlines-at-the-same-time kind of chapter. Fast paced, even somewhat hysterical, with regards to certain females, and filled with your unmistakable humour.

So, the silent visit has turned into a real mayhem and several secrets are not-so-secret secrets any more. I wonder if Dumbledork will clear the traces of these events out of the heads of the concerned.

I like this Draco and Narcissa a slight bit more, I guess.



Author's Response:

It was SUCH a hoot writing the "Go get Poppy" scene, I was just picturing Tom Felton running down the hall and skidding around corners and facing Maggie Smith in one of her "high and mighty Minerva" monents. HE!HE!HE!

No, Dumbledore doesn't and you'll see the reason why.

I liked Draco and Cissa the more I wrote them, too.

 Jeez, this is fun answering reviews . . .gotta do this more often . . .now how do I get other people reading and reviewing my stuff . . that's the ?????Maybe if I post another chapter of "TPOYC" they'll check out my other storiesf . . worth a try, huh?!?!?



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 26/04/10 3:05 PM · Chapter: Chapter 18 : Say the secret word…or…pick door number one.

That was just too sweet, the long awaited reunion of several couples and the introduction of Lyn to her Big Brother.

I do see Alan Rickman in front of me petting a Pygmy Puff and it's simply bloody hilarious.

Nazi time. The correct phrase is "lo and behold" instead of "low and behold". HE!HE!HE!

The last paragraph, however, just kills all positive emotions as the foreclosure of something bad coming creeps into the picture. Wait. Isn't it you that's called "Queen of Cliffies?"



Author's Response:

OMG, my little brother ( baby grammar/spellingcanon nazi ) is growing up SO fast . . .brings a tear to my eye .  . as I ROFLH! Will correct ASAP

YES, I AM THE QUEEN OF THE CLIFFIES!!!!!!!! TADA!!!!!!

HE!HE!HE! 



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 26/04/10 2:52 PM · Chapter: Chapter 17 : I have good news…and bad news.

It's always refreshing to take a plunge into your stories. I have to admit that the attack on Draco was masterfully crafted from both sides. There was cool logic behind the plan on both ends and luckily no big harm was done.

The second part of the chapter, finding the hidden door and the door-keeper does slightly remind me of one of my own stories, FBB, and Cereus the Cerberus. Even the names rhyme :D And the weirdest of all this that none of us can accuse the other of plagiate as YOUR story was written waaay before mine and my story was written waaaay before reading yours :D

Gimme a high-five, sister-at-arms! I loves equally twisted-minded fellow fanfic writersssss!

 



Author's Response:

Do you have ANY idea how scary that is?!?!?!?!?!

Glad to see you taking a break and doing some R&R on my story . . . .enjoy



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 16/03/10 8:56 PM · Chapter: Chapter 16 : I’m not as think as you drunk I am!...and other news

OK, this was immense fun. The devilish plan worked and it was quite enjoyable to read your slightly acidic verses. 

Now that they know what they can expect, they can luckily be better prepared. I did wonder a bit at the ease the DA stood up for Draco. No nudging needed, they just did it.

On the whole, it's clearly visible that you had spent quite a lot of time PLANNING out each and every scene; neither of them seems rushed or plain, all have that characteristing Holly trademark on them which makes the whole of it a very enjoyable, albeit slightly untraditional reading. Bravo.



Author's Response:

Well, honey hush! You've made this old broad blush!

And since Cissa has had Draco's sister, can the BIG attack be far behind . . . so I'll wait until you read the next chapter and see how you likeit!

HE!HE!HE!



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 16/03/10 8:36 PM · Chapter: Chapter 15 : Home again, home again, giggity gig

Two highlights from this brilliant chapter:

1. The Sorting Hat's song. I laughed my sorry, fat, forty-one year old arse off.

2. The how-very-Slytherin plan with the spiked tumblers. Are you sure Harry and Hermione had been sorted into the right House?

Oh yes. One more. I think Draco deserves a BAFTA award for Best Acting Performance :D



Author's Response:

I thought I'd really set myself up when I decided to do a song for the Sorting Hat, but it was so strange, it just kinda came pouring out and I only had to change , I think, about 3 lines, to make it flow correctly.

Well, Slytherins use any means available to get their way, so why not play to the groups weakness for tradition . . . especially as it involves drinking, by kids how don't know the first thing about self-control.

You think Draco is doing a good acting job? Wait until the next chapter, Sparky!

HE!HE!HE!



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 16/03/10 6:46 PM · Chapter: Chapter 14 : More Road Trips – Off we go!

Seems like you have a healthy obsession to 'field trips', my dear. Which is not bad; it leads to some VERRY interesting scenes, especially with regards to certain wizards being introduced to the Muggle way of life.

With this brave mixture of the two universes you actually leave fanfiction, venturing into normal fiction, it's just your main characters happen to have some more or less known names. 

I maintain my opinion; a truly entertaining reading. My ONLY concern would be: try to keep it as British as you can.



Author's Response:

Have no fear, as soon as everyone gets back to Hogwarts, it's all HP canon, Etc . . . and Verry British!

HE!HE!HE!



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/02/10 9:29 AM · Chapter: Chapter 13 : Blue Plate Special

I didn't even try to translate this chapter into plain ole English, just took a ride on the Holly train. It wasn't less enjoyable, though :D

Nice side story, worth being made into a road movie. Really cool. As is Augusta Longbottom. She would give any DE a run for his money. I hope she will.

Good chapter. A little peace and serenity before the hols end.



Author's Response:

You wanna ride on MY train, you just gotta "Get in, sit down, shut up & hold on!"

I wanna be just like Augusta when I get old . . .wait a minute  . . I AM an old broad!

HE!HE!HE!



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/02/10 9:18 AM · Chapter: Chapter 12 : “What I did on my summer holiday.”

Trying to get sucked back into the Maelstrom, so to speak.

Baldyfart is a real plotter, and I foresee that his plan will be sophisticated and cruel as always. 

The most important event of the chapter is that Severus' position is getting compromised and I fear his next summoning to the Dork Lord might be the very last one.

I have only a small remark. This is a long chapter and I stopped counting the different plotlines at four. Some readers might find this quite hard to follow. However, I'm not "some readers", so I'm just enjoying myself in your Plotterverse.



Author's Response:

Well, think of my story as braiding the different plot lines into one long story rope, the times are all overlapping but they're also all headed in the same direction.

Yes, Severus' life is being lived on a VERY thin edge, but he won't be in danger until around his birthday ( although that has NOTHING to do with my story ).

The fun part is, just when you think old Baldie Voldie has got them right where he watns them, he has to re-think and re-plan, but also under the misconception that he's just 'adjusting' his plans . . he'd never admit he has missed something . . he's just "testing the fools reactions". . . RIGHT.

Okay, onward; the next couple of chapters are really fun and the sorting song was the most fun I had doing this whole story.  



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 15/01/10 11:50 AM · Chapter: Chapter 11 : Disagreements, discoveries and destinations

A few changes in this chapter. First of all, Neville and Luna are growing together. Not my favourite pairing, but I'm OK with it. And, even at such an early stage of their relationship, they can perfectly mirror Ron/Hermione :D

A very touching scene with Neville's parents. So, Mum is the Secret Keeper. Brilliant!

Third kudos for that devilishly superb, Gryffindorishly Slytherin plan of Harry's.

And, another change in the Harry/Draco/Severus angle. This is how sworn enemies can turn into allies, if not friends.



Author's Response:

I always liked the Neville/Luna idea - my second choice would have been HP/LL, NL/GW, but then I said NAH! 

Why not Alice . . .  who would consider her capable? Perfect - hide something in plain sight, but is she ( and thus the secret, safe? ) Stay tuned and see.

The whole Harry/Draco/Severus thing is central to the story and the ways they use it and hide it and make it work will give you some interesting reading in the coming chapters . . . especially when the gang gets back to school and the rest of the Gryffindors and Slytherins come back to Hogwarts . . how do they interact then?

Read on, my dear, read on! HE!HE!HE!

 



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 15/01/10 11:37 AM · Chapter: Chapter 10 : Don’t Panic! Yet

Glad that the Thon has started again, now I have the perfect chance to catch up.

And what a way to start catching up! A perfectly written action scene, to begin with. Have you written this BEFORE of AFTER reading DH? Why did YOU choose Bill to be bitten?

I wanted to have a perfectly valid reason to frown upon your re-telling the same events multiple times.... but I couldn't find one. You have so many characters, so many interconnected subplots, that bringing up everyone to speed is a must here.

Darkness is gathering above their heads, so it seems.

Anothe positive word for the possibility of finding the curse for lycantrophy. Nice touch, the Muggle science beating magic :D



Author's Response:

No, DH hadn't come out until AFTER I had this all of this 7th year story written AND posted ( except the last couple of chapters w/the final battle, but even that was written before DH), but hadn't Bill been attached in HBP?

ANYWAY, let's have some fun w/the Thon, which I'm signing up for as soon as I answer these 2 reviews of yours.  HE!HE!HE!

Yeah, the plot is gathering speed for a bit, but then it calms down, right after school starts . . . then after Christmas, it's off and running again.   Read on, my dear, and you'll see what I mean!

Thanks for the reviews, I'll get to YOUR stories ASAP!



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 28/09/09 7:27 AM · Chapter: Chapter 9 : Practice, plans and more practice

Sooo... what a surprise. Pansy not dead? I didn't expect that. Although, being taught by previous experience, I should have known that from your pen I can expect just about EV'RYTHING!

A valid concern is voiced by Draco regarding his own safety. Salazar Potter's coming up with an ingenious solution :D

Why do I have the feeling that not all is going well? 



Author's Response:

DIdn't expect that?, then the memory charm used on Draco, Minerva and Hagird must have hit you, too!  HA!HA! Anna and Christopher needed to know so that she would stop blaming herself and be able to concentrate on the DA's training, even from hiding.

Oh, you should see what they come up with in regard to Draco's safety!  ( that's a hint of things to come - read on, my dear, read on! )

Just setting you up with one of my 'cliffies'; they appear with frighting regularity from now on!  HE!HE!HE!



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 28/09/09 7:17 AM · Chapter: Chapter 8 - One more chair at the table

Out of harm's way. Grangers and Dursleys alike. WHOA!

I always love birthdays. Only not mine. This one, however, is a special one, you come of age only once. Nice bit with the cake icing :D

Girlie talk all the way. Our dames, Miss Potter and Miss Draco seem to enjoy each other's company :D



Author's Response:

Well, it's a bit of a necessity to get along and Draco really is trying. Plus, Harry knows what it's like to have Baldie Voldie wanting you dead.

They do "feel each other out", but being more similar than they realized makes it easier.  You'll see, they might never be best mates, like Harry and Ron, but Draco might be a close second.  It's almost like the DA is a big fraternity ( with girl members ) and you know how extremely loyal old frat brothers become.

Gee, I missed a chance for another movie reference there, didn't I??  Animal House in the Scotland . . . Merlin! what a frightening thought! HE!HE!HE!



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 28/09/09 7:01 AM · Chapter: Chapter7 : Funerals, flowers and friends

This was an impressive display of friendship, with the roses et al, and it WILL reinforce Draco's newly discovered understanding of what's right and what's wrong.

The last thing he hadn't done yet would be to make peace with all house elves he had offended throughout his Hogwarts years :D Buckbeak can also be chalked off :D

Such lovely letters of the Snapes to each other :D Until the last line LOL



Author's Response:

Draco was feeling so isolated and I thought he needed a show of support to give him some that what he'd done was opening new doors for him.

The House Elves know where Dobby is and what Draco has done and why he's at Hogwarts for the summer, so they will change their attitude, too, as you will see soon enough.

Well, as to that last line, Snape couldn't appear TOO mushy, could he?  At least one snarky remark was called for, and it was intended to give Anna a laugh, too!



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 28/09/09 6:55 AM · Chapter: Chapter 6 : Owl posts

Oh yes, this time the owls fly over-hours. That's the disadvantage of being in hiding or on the run. You never get the first-handed news.

Loved the subtle Bonnie Tyler reference.

The last letter is the most important of all. It's a call for war. A call to be ready, irgendwo, irgendwann.



Author's Response:

I made a Bonnie Tyler reference? 

1) Who is she ? I vaguely ( little bell dinging in the back of my brain ) know the name - singer? 

2) What was the reference?  It sure was subtle if I didn't even know I'd done it! HE!HE!HE!

ALSO, what is irgenwo, irgenwann?

Glad you liked the chapter, tho, and yes, Anna knows what's coming and wants the kids to know it's started - for real - "this is NOT a drill"!



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 28/09/09 6:47 AM · Chapter: Chapter 5 : Bad news travels fast

While Rufus Scrimgeour is somewhat better than Fudge even had been he is and remains JABB (just another bloody bureaucrat). Draco handled him brillantly.

You're right: bad news travel fast. I guess by the end of this chapter only the maori medicine men haven't heard about it.

Now Anna's on the guilt trip, Harry bloody Potter style. Only, she's able to vent, unlike Harry, who bottles everything up.

Brilliant little talk between Petunia and Harry. yet, they have an understanding. She put two and two together and came to 3.99, so it's pretty close. They ALL are in danger.



Author's Response:

Venting is a good thing, but Anna has turned it into an art form.

Yeah, as per my end of chapter notes, Harry and Petunia have talked ( while Vernon and Dudley are not there ) and she's seeing Harry ( and Lily and the whole wizarding world ) in a new light.  She realizes that another war will be closer to home, since Harry is the main target of Baldie Voldie.

AND she also realized Harry ( and the MoM ) didn't have to do anything to protect them ( the Dursleys ) but they did and she knows that it will probably save their collective butts. 



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/09/09 8:57 AM · Chapter: Chapter 4 : Expected news and unexpected sorrow

The ultimate punishment for Lucius. His House is destroyed, his family wiped out.

You caught me again with the Parkinsons' punishment. Setting an example for Draco, huh? I daresay Baldyfart might have reached another effect with this cruel act than he should have expected.

You certainly know how to hook up your readers. Two thumbs up!



Author's Response:

"We're not in Kansas anymore."

Baldy Voldy is going to wreck everybody's plans, one way or the other, during the summer break . . . "Oh, dear, we are in trouble now."

 



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/09/09 8:52 AM · Chapter: Chapter 3 : Fresh starts and a surprise

Knowing Draco's attitude towards anything else than Pureblood wizards, tending to an injured Unicorn is again, a big change. Seems like he alone will win he Wizarding war and there's no need for Harry there :D

You have foreseen the way of putting the Dursley's out of harm's way as well. I told you already, you have to sue JKR :D

Well done, right on the spot characters in this chapter as well.



Author's Response:

When I decdided to give Draco his second chance, it became very apparent that he's just going to jump in feet first and where better to start than at Hogwarts with just the staff ( what few there are in residence during the summer )  and just "go with the flow".  Helping Hagrid and Professor Sprout will fill his days, keep his mind off of things and get him in a more "tolerant' mood about , well, everything.

However, things don't go so smoothly . . . read on, my dear, read on . . . oh, you did . .

HE!HE!HE!



Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/09/09 8:36 AM · Chapter: Chapter 2 : The beginning of the end

That was one hell of a chapter.

Arrival to the safe place. Do I hear Mike Oldfield playing in the background? LOL

This meeting, I have never expected. Great originality! No one has ever written Eileen Snape's ghost before you!

Draco acts finally as head of family. Not many people will like the changes he'd introduced.

In for more!



Author's Response:

Okay, old f@#t time . . . who's Mike Oldfield??????  Serioulsy, I don't have clue . . . I'm a country music fan . . sorry.

No-one?  Jeez, I didn't realize that.  Cool.

Changes? Tuff nuggies! He's head of the Malfoy family (at least THIS branch ) so, what he says, goes!

 



You must login (register) to review.