Gluttony: Fanfiction
Indulge Yourself!

Name: summerlovesdamon16455 (Signed) · Date: 07/04/11 7:40 PM · Chapter: Chapter 4- The Wedding of the Millennium

Good chapter, but I hope the next one is Draco!



Name: summerlovesdamon16455 (Signed) · Date: 07/04/11 7:29 PM · Chapter: Chapter 3- Wedding Plans

It wasn't about Draco :(, but I sill loved it! Wonderful chapter :)



Name: summerlovesdamon16455 (Signed) · Date: 07/04/11 7:25 PM · Chapter: Chapter 2- The Story of the Golden Trio

Love it, but i hope the next chapter is about Draco. I'll find out in a second! Great chapter!



Name: summerlovesdamon16455 (Signed) · Date: 07/04/11 7:18 PM · Chapter: Chapter 1-A New Beginning

Good start! Very detailed, but i would like to see some more dialouge in the future! :)



Name: pookha (Signed) · Date: 14/03/09 2:48 PM · Chapter: Chapter 10- Wizard's Debt

You know, I think a lot of people will overlook your characterization of Kreacher, but the elves have always been dear to me and I just wanted to say that I love the way you present Kreacher here.  By showing him kindness and making him feel wanted, he's become a valuable member of the family and he does his part well.  I really think that Harry sees a bit of Dobby in him and wants to really do his part.

 I find the part with Harry talking to Draco at the start to be a bit harsh, but then I remind myself that Harry just lost his best friend and he's trying to do what's best for his other best friend, so a bit of harshness is understandable.

The scene where he's showing Draco how to properly feed Scorpius leads to what's coming, I think.  I think that Harry and Draco will form a grudging friendship, maybe never a close friendship, but the type where you know you can rely on someone to have your back.

This has come miles from the start and I really think you've come into your 'voice' now and it shows in the plot.  I had to rewrite my first fic because I didn't use a beta and the plot wandered all over, so I'm glad to see you're doing much better at this than I did.



Author's Response:

My bad. I thought I responded to all your reviews but I missed this one.  Sorry

Since you read and reviewed several chapters in one day I like to think I hooked you a bit with my plot. Plus I agree with you, I think my attempt at writing has improved over time and I'm looking back at first chapters and wondering if I could have done a better job.  But re-writing will have to wait as I still need to put the rest of the story on paper (or internet)  But I'm very proud of this so far.

Harry & Draco just might end up having a grudging friendship. You'll have to wait and see but for now the relationship between these two characters is just too good not to have a bit of fun with for awhile.  And yes, you are correct, the harshness right now is necessary not only because Harry's lost his best friend but he is shouldering a great responsibility.  Plus he and Draco never really resolved certain issues from DH, and what he said holds water, it's not about them, there are children involved.

I'm glad you liked Kreacher.  I really loved the house elves in HP series and knowing that respecting them goes a long way in their fidelity to the Wizard I wanted to expand on it.  Harry is a good sort of fellow and I knew he would be kind to Kreacher once he fully understood the psychology of Kreacher's betrayal in OotP.  Thanks again for reviewing.  I really have to get cracking on the rest of this story so I don't leave you hanging.  I'm not abandoning this challenge to myself.  ;)



Name: pookha (Signed) · Date: 14/03/09 2:35 PM · Chapter: Chapter 9- And So It Begins

This is all beginning to tie together nicely and we can see where it's starting to head.

 I'm going to make a prediction right now about the killer I think it's...well I won't say here, in case I'm right and spoil it and in case I'm wrong, I have deniability :).

 

I feel a bit sorry for Draco here, being left to care for a baby on his own, especially a preemie (even though he's been healed up pretty good, preemies still often face issues throughout their lives).

I like the description of Lucius here very much and how he talks to Draco.

 



Author's Response:

Hmmmmm,  who is the murderer?  I'm still working that part out but I have an idea but need to work out the details.  It will be interesting to see whether your prediction is correct but you won't find out for quite some time. It's best you didn't put it in writing cause then when the name is revealed you can always say "I knew it!" [whether you really did or not ;) ]

I wanted to repair Draco's relationship with his father in this story.  Because of the whole Voldemort thing, it was obviously in disrepair but I like to think that the Malfoy's each had a love for their family members which would explain why Draco did what he did in HBP.  He needed to save his family and himself from Voldemort as well as their reputation.  Well he's really going to get an opportunity to redeem his family name in this story.

It's good to feel sorry for Draco.  Right now he is a bit vulnerable as anyone in his situation would be and I need the reader to be on his side once and a while in this story.  He will still on occasion need to hide behind his snarky mask but in the long run he'll be a good guy (or will he?)  We'll see.

Thanks for the review!!



Name: pookha (Signed) · Date: 14/03/09 2:25 PM · Chapter: Chapter 8- The Appointment

This chapter really picks up the pace and it does something important for me.  Most Dramiones have Ron being neglectful, abusive, or just not there, and you avoid that.  Hermione would need a reason not to be with Ron and having him die is a good one. 

 I liked the brutal way that the attacker killed Ron and tried to kill Hermione.  Very effective, non-cliched and well-written.

 I think your characterizations in this chapter are spot-on and very well done.  Harry's reaction to the shop door being open was played just right.



Author's Response:

Either you missed a chapter or just didn't leave a review to Chapter 7.  Just thought I'd mention it in case there was some important information you may have missed ;)

I could never have Ron be abusive or neglectful. That just isn't him. But you are right, in order to provide a reason to make this a Dramione, I had to have him die.  I think I mentioned in another review that I have an alternate version of this story in which Ron doesn't die.  Maybe someday I will get around to writing that idea.

I'm glad you liked the murder/attack scenes.  I wanted to make them fast and edgy to keep up the suspense of the moment.  I'm glad they didn't read as cliche.

Thanks for the complements on characterization.  I really feel it's important to this story to keep them in character as much as possible as well as in their roles as Auror, etc  to make it seem believable.   Thanks again for reading!



Name: pookha (Signed) · Date: 02/03/09 9:48 PM · Chapter: Chapter 6- A Blessing

You write this in such a way that I can't help but think that you've had experience with preemies.  You tell the story of Scorpius's experience quite heart-rendingly.

 I liked your characterization of Narcissa.  She's someone who's all about family and you show that here. 

 I also like the way that you present Draco as someone intelligent.  I've read quite a few fics where he wasn't portrayed as intelligent, merely gifted in the Dark Arts.  I think it's very important that you characterized him as intelligent as you're going to have a Draco/Hermione pairing (at least according to the summary). 

This chapter shines with the light of reality (by which I mean it rings true as something that could have happened.)



Author's Response:

The fact that you thought my interpretation was very convincing leads me to believe I'm becoming a better hack... I mean writer ;)  Fortunately, both of my boys were healthy and all of my relations have been full-term healthy babies.  I did a bit of research before I wrote the topic in order for the events to sound feasible.  Even the magical medicine the baby is receiving is real.  Surfactant is actually the name of the prophylactic treatement used for Respiratory Distress Syndrome in Preterm Infants. Hindmilk is just a term used to refer to the fatty milk the baby consumes near the end of the breastfeeding session.  There is a method to my madness!!!!  I really do have a plan if not a half baked, fly by the seat of my pants idea ;)

Narcissa, to me, was a character who valued family (at least her family.)  I always felt she & Draco were unwilling pawns in  the whole thing (more Draco than Narcissa as he was just a child)  The adults should have known better but we all know, even in muggle life, that at times it's hard to steer clear of bad influences.  It takes a strong character which the Malfoys didn't possess.  I'm trying to steer them in that direction with a few twists to come.  In DH I got the feeling the Malfoys all wished they weren't involved in this whole fiasco.  They were scared for their lives which is all they cared about.  I was pleased JK didn't kill them off because to me that opened a door for some redemption if they chose to take it. 

I never got the idea from JK that Draco was unintelligent so I didn't think he should be portrayed that way.  Of course he was cocky in regards to certain lessons which he didn't value (Care of Magical Creatures)  But in those lessons he did value (Dark Arts, Potions etc.) I felt that he would excel.  Especially since Lucius ,at times, commented on a muggle beating his son out in school.  To me that gave the impression that he had a head on his shoulder.  He will be using those brains quite a bit in this story from time to time. 

I'm glad you are enjoying my version of the Epilogue.  It will be interesting to see what you have to say about the next couple of chapters.  Thanks again for the review!!



Name: dracosgem (Anonymous) · Date: 27/02/09 6:08 PM · Chapter: Chapter 6- A Blessing
PERFECT ending!! Seriously great!! I enjoyed it immensley. As you know, I enjoyed the intimacy of breakfast between Draco and Narcissa and I found the loving bond that had grown between the family quite intriguing. That ending line is so damn Malfoy, I can't get enough of re-reading it and giggling furiously.

I also enjoyed the magical aspect of the story- the potion and Healer Wolfreth were both a nice touch.

Look forward to the next chappie!!

Author's Response:

So glad you enjoyed Red!!!  I had to keep them in character and that just seemed like something they would say. It also, to me, was sort of inspirational.  They are still willing to believe that their grandchild, no matter that he wasn't born "perfect", in their eyes, was perfect!!  That is true love.  I could even see them embracing a child that had a handicap and still believing he was perfect because that is what grandparents do (and parents and family) they love unconditionally. 

The magical aspect of the story, with the potions and hospital, were researched before writing.  The medicine is real. Surfactant is used in hospitals for preterm infants and as you know, hindmilk is the fatty breastmilk.  I'm glad you liked.

Keep reading.  You will be surprized by some of the upcoming chapters.



Name: pookha (Signed) · Date: 25/02/09 4:01 PM · Chapter: Chapter 5- Love and Loss

I must admit that I like Draco's story much more than the part of the story with the Trio.  I like the slow, platonic way that you build the relationship due to Draco's reluctance to reveal everything about his past.

 As I said in my review on HPFF, I can see that you've really worked on the technical end of the writing and it makes the story flow much better without the distractions.

We're seeing a real change in Draco, not just some superficial change to hide his real feelings and you show that well.  I like Draco's introspection. 

I'm enjoying the plot of the story and will continue reading.



Author's Response:

Thanks for revisiting this story Pookha!!  I'm glad that my writing is evolving.  I worked hard on the issues that you and other's mentioned and I'm glad to hear I'm improving. 

I agree that I too like Draco's plot line better.  At times I don't know why I veered off with the Trio other than the fact that I loved their story line so much in HP that I wanted to add my 2 cents.  I also wanted to give the reader an idea of what I thought about their relationships, especially to their spouses.  That is was a respectful  loving marriage.  You'll see some of my reasoning in the next couple chapters. 

Draco was a character that I felt could have changed if guided properly.  Dumbledore tried to give him that opportunity but fear of Voldy and fear for his parents prevented that.  I understand JK's reasoning for how she wrote her characters.  After all, not everyone is worthy of redemption. But I wanted to give him that chance in mine.  I hope his character in my story is worthy of it ;)

Thanks for the review!!



Name: Bella_Portia (Signed) · Date: 16/02/09 12:55 AM · Chapter: Chapter 10- Wizard's Debt

I liked the scene between Draco and Harry. (Although Draco, being so suspicious of Harry -- would he really give Scorpius a bottle without testing the temperature personally?)

I think the details of Harry's (and, for that matter, Draco's) home life are very well done.  I also like that Ginny and Kreacher are given their due in this chapter.   

 



Author's Response:

Even Draco wouldn't believe Harry could hurt an innocent child ;) 

I'm glad you enjoyed their exchange.  They have some issues to deal with which will be dealt with along the way in this story.  Due to the circumstances each of them have experienced (death of loved ones) I felt they needed to be touched upon but not fully explored just yet.  The issue at hand for Harry is to find a safe hiding place for Hermione.  Draco has enough on his plate for now and Harry arriving unexpectedly in his home with such a request was not what he ever planned for. 

Thanks you for reviewing and commenting on the details.  I want this to be as detailed as possible as everything I include will be important at some point in time .  Even the mention of Draco's wand or  the way Harry & Ginny discipline James is important to me.  It shows that they will not allow him to be disrespectful to Kreacher (whom they believe to be part of the family) and that they are good, responsible parents. 

Ok, now I have to get working on Chapter 11 or you will be wondering if I gave up on this story ;)



Name: Bella_Portia (Signed) · Date: 15/02/09 9:59 PM · Chapter: Chapter 9- And So It Begins

 Very interesting chapter.  I thought it was quite inventive, the way you brought Dumbledore and Snape into it. 

I do feel quite sorry for Draco.  He deserves to have more confidence.  I don't remember it being quite so difficult, but as he is in mourning, I can see how everything would be much tougher than it would be under normal circumstances.   

He carefully picked Scorpius up from the bassinette and placed him in the stroller -- I was surprised he didn't use a Snugli. 

The British wizarding law enforcement response to the murder was interesting.  

I'm guessing the intruder was Harry?  I'll just have to read on and see.



Author's Response:

I couldn't wait to bring Dumbledore and Snape back!!  There were unresolved issues with Harry & Snape and I wanted to give them an opportunity to work things out.  You will see them return in the story from time to time.  And who better to train Harry?

Child care seems to come easier to women even if you haven't had much prior experience.  It's very second nature to us.  By the time I had my first child I had 11 nieces & nephews and had cared for all of them at some point or another through cloth diapers, chickenpox etc.  On the other hand, my husband had never been around a baby in his life.  I remember mentioning this to my mother-in-law and how he was worried about being around a baby.  Her response was that of course he had been around a baby.  Surprised by her reply, (as I knew he never had been) I asked when?  Her reply was when he was 6 years old & younger.  They brought his brother & a sister home from the adoption (they are all adopted)  I meant as an adult!!!!   The man had no clue what to do with a baby.  I thought it was reasonable to have Draco experience some awkwardness as I doubted he had ever been around an infant either.  I have some funny moments planned on this subject.

Funny you should mention the Snugli as I plan on Draco using on in Chapter 11 (if I can ever get the darned thing written!)   Keep reading!!



Name: Bella_Portia (Signed) · Date: 15/02/09 2:17 AM · Chapter: Chapter 8- The Appointment

I first read this chapter quite some time ago, but I was not ready to post a review.  Of course, I figured you had to take Ron out of the picture, since the graphic advertised a Dramione; but this was still a shocking development. 

I thought the set-up was very well done and dramatic.  I liked the interplay between Harry and Ron in the shop -- the calm before the storm, as it were.  The bits of insight into the Auror's office were interesting -- it makes sense that Aurors would be trained in Occlumency, for example. 
It is very curious why this person is so anxious to off Rom.  I hope yo will clear that up. 

Very well done -- emotional and intense.



Author's Response:

Emotional and intense.  I like that discription!!  I'm so glad those feelings were relayed in the chapter as that is exactly how I hoped it would read. 

I know previously you had some comments on the Auror Department and Hermione's exclusion at being privy to certain investigative details.  I hope I cleared that up for you in previous review response.  Since this is the magical world, they work on a different level than we do as muggles.  There will be so many more secrecy issues at play.  I felt that was the reason Dumbledore held back so much information in the series.  You know, the more people you tell the less chance of it being a secret.  Well, that would be 100 times more true in the magic world.  The Aurors will need to operate on a higher level than most with magical abilities.  Remember Scrimgeour's line in HBP to the muggle Prime Minister?  Something along the line of "but the other side can do magic too"

I'm glad you liked my set up.  I wanted it to seem like a surprise (even though this is a Dramione) I wanted the moment to seem like it came out of left field. 

Thanks for reading and leaving a review. As I said before, you are one of my favorite writers and I love to receive encouragement from you and others like you ;)



Name: morgana (Signed) · Date: 22/01/09 3:43 AM · Chapter: Chapter 9- And So It Begins
Oh, great cliffhanger. I wonder if Draco is in danger himself. I must admit, I'm totally clueless as to who the murdered could be. Someone canon? or maybe not? Whoever it is, Dumbledore is probably right in that he/she wanted to provoke Harry. Umm... very intriguing indeed.

Author's Response: It will be a canon character, but I'm not sure who yet.  We'll figure this out together as we go.  I even have some ideas for Lucius. They will leave you guessing whether he is all you think he is.  But that is much further down the lin. 


Name: morgana (Signed) · Date: 22/01/09 3:19 AM · Chapter: Chapter 8- The Appointment
Oh, my God! You have killed Ron off! I didn't expect that I must admit but I think I may have an idea as to where this is heading.

No, your explanation as to why Harry will not break the Auror's Department secrecy rules is very, very convincing, I must say. Yes, I think he would keep it all to himself although I get the feeling that it will be important to the plot in terms of him needing to confide something on someone, probably Hermione.

This is getting very, very interesting. Who and why murdered Ron???

Author's Response:

I'm not really sure who to blame for Ron's murder yet.  I have some potential canon characters but I'm still working out the motive to determine whether it's possible.  I'm flying by the seat of my pants here honey!!

Harry will never break the code.  I even plan on him keeping a secret from the Dept and the Minister in order to carry out the plan he has.  You know where this is heading.



Name: morgana (Anonymous) · Date: 21/01/09 3:27 AM · Chapter: Chapter 7- The Nursery
Oh, I like the contrast between Draco's situation and H/G's R/H's. I guess you are right that Harry would probably play strictly by the rules and not mention anything whatsoever about his work, however, this has made me think, would he or would he not? He keeps his word to Dumbledore about the Horcruxes but has always told his friends everything (okay he had permission) but he is also very prone to breaking rules. Sorry, this is in essence me thinking aloud. I'm just myself wondering, that's all.

I still wonder what will bring the two plots together.

Author's Response:

You're almost there for the plots merging so don't hate me. 

I think that even though Harry thought Dumbledore had an issue with revealing too many of his secrets, he understood afterwards the necessity for those secrets.  If Dumbledore had revealed too much to the wrong person then the gig would have been up.  Imagine if he had put all of his eggs with Snape and Snape cracked or couldn't perform a Occlumency for whatever reason (torture etc) then Dumbledore's plan would have been ruined.  He had to work on the fact that Harry, along with Hermione's help and Ron's loyalty would work it out in the end.  Of course, since it ended up being Harry's life he was playing with, Harry would be ticked  off. But in the long run, especially once he knew the secret to defeating Voldy, it was well worth it.  I'm using that same thought process here.  Some secrets have to remain secrets, no matter what.



Name: morgana (Anonymous) · Date: 21/01/09 2:37 AM · Chapter: Chapter 6- A Blessing
Oh, so you are following canon for the name? I love your comment about the strange names that the British chose! lol I wonder whether this is going to be, eventually, a next generation fic.

It was a really sad and touching chapter. Draco is reacting as I would expect him too, he was pretty much disparing in private but once his mother was with him he become composed and sort of pragmatic. Narcissa cooking and cleaning, great! but of course it works because of the work they have been doing recently at the orphanage.

I wonder how his story links with H/G, R/H. Did you say this was a Dramione? I'm beginning to have fears for Ron now...

Author's Response:

I'm so glad you caught that line!!  I thought it was funny line and you are the first person to comment on it!!

I thought I did a descent job with Draco's bit of mourning so I'm glad you liked it.  I will touch on his sorrow more later so don't think that he's emotionally challenged.  He just has so much more to deal with in regards to his son etc.

Thanks again for reading on.  You'll see what happens with Ron.

 



Name: morgana (Anonymous) · Date: 21/01/09 2:11 AM · Chapter: Chapter 5- Love and Loss
Oh, I'm in absolute shock! I certainly didn't expect that. I thought that it was someone from Harry's side that would be in trouble and would need Malfoy's help for how you worded the summary. Oh, poor Draco! I feel so sorry for him, I'm speechless. Well, he has made the only decision he could make really but how is he going to cope? I'm sure he will though.

Author's Response:

Don't give up on that original thought.  It's coming as by this time you've already read;0  Draco will have to cope.  He's pretty much on his own now.  Or is he...remember this is a Dramione ;)

 



Name: morgana (Anonymous) · Date: 21/01/09 1:46 AM · Chapter: Chapter 4- The Wedding of the Millennium
Oh, damn sorry. I just lost a long review! Never mind. Here I come again.

First of all, I loved the scene with Dumbledore very touching but I wonder what else it foreshadows, I guess more than mere common marital problems and practicalities.

I was very happy to see that Dudley accepted the invitation and that he seemed to had hit it off with Lavander. I was also pleased for Dean and Luna. To tell the truth I always felt a bit sorry for him for the silly way in which Ginny broke up with him, especially after he spoke quite highly of Harry to his camping companions in DH.

The wedding was beautiful and all the descriptions. So you decided to incorporate the speeches in the ceremony rather than the reception? A bit different but it worked out well.

Now, the honeymoons! Well, *smiles* so I was right and Harry can be pretty steamy. He had to be! and I love how Hermione took the initiative also. Both scenes were beautiful in fact. Well lucky girls and lucky boys I suppose.

Loved this chapter but I'm sure you knew I would. *winks* Well done! x

Author's Response:

You will see Dumbledore and Snape more. I definately have them in somewhere around chapter 9 or so (can't remember) and might bring them back later on. I'm not sure.  Harry will definately visit them.

I wanted Dudley to come to the wedding.  I had another idea for him later in the story but decided not to use it because I didn't think it would be "reasonable" in the plan.  But I think I will have Harry visit him from time to time so we can see more of Aunt Petunia and how she deals with her Dudders marrying a witch.  Oh my!!!  Could be fun to work with I think.  I didn't want the Dursley's coming because I didn't think it would fit their character. But based on what JK wrote about Dudder's I thought there could be a chance for him.

I was sorry to see Dean & Luna didn't hook up in JK's plan.  I figured they would so I decided to do it myself. I'm not sure how much we will see of them in the future.  I'm having a hard enough time writing my original plan let alone to add more stuff.  This really is hard to do!!!

I think I mentioned in earlier reply that I could have done the honeymoons better.  Once married of course Harry & Ginny are going to have at it.  I'm surprised she didn't carry him off to a broom closet during the reception to start the honeymoon ;)  And Hermione, well, I think Ron got her blood boiling a bit.  She's not as innocent as she looks, eh?



Name: morgana67 (Anonymous) · Date: 21/01/09 12:53 AM · Chapter: Chapter 3- Wedding Plans
Oh, my God, they better get their skates on: two days to prepare all that! Mind you, having the elves at Hogwarts would simplify matters no doubt.

I thought the idea of using Hogwarts as a venue was a very good one. I wonder if the Dursleys will turn up (I doubt it but you may surprise me!)

I think the way you portray Ron is very realistic. He was always a bit undiplomatic but not necessarily unassertive. I always saw him as someone very much prepared to fight for what he wanted or believed in, so I think he's definitely in character.

Very enjoyable chapter again. x

Author's Response:

The elves will do a wonderful job with the wedding. Kreacher will play a big role and you will see him more in future chapters.  I hope you enjoy him. 

Ron grew up a bit since DH I like to think.  He is definately the Gryffindor and he knows what he wants.  And that is Hermione ;)  I'm glad you liked!!

The Dursley's were invited but won't come.  I had to keep them in character and being surrounded by magic folk is not part of their character. Dudley on the other hand...



Name: morgana (Anonymous) · Date: 21/01/09 12:38 AM · Chapter: Chapter 2- The Story of the Golden Trio
Oh, this chapter was a real treat! Well you know I ship these two pairs too. I could certainly see Ginny taking the initiative and Harry trying to be too noble, that's how I portray them too although I think my Harry is a bit more hormonal, although this being said, yours gets very passionate in the grounds. I actually thought that it had actually happened. Mind you, even I would wait for a week if the end result was marrying Harry! lol

Molly and Arthur are definitely how I imagine them as well.

I'm still in two minds as to whether it was really appropriate for them all to get engaged immidiately after Fred's death but I guess nothing would have make Fred happier so I think it works out very sweetly.

I definitely like your love scene descriptions too. The Harry/Ginny especially although Ron/Hermione was wonderful too. I guess H/G got my pulse rising a little. By the way, do reviews have to be 12+ (in case this isn't). I hope I've not got myself into any trouble (which I have a knack for). I really enjoyed this, definitely brought a smile to my face! Well done! x

Author's Response:

I picture Ginny as a no holds barred kind of girl.  Harry on the other hand would of course, do the noble thing and wait.  Heck, I think he would fear for his life at the hands of so many Weasley men and prefer to take on Voldy again rather than face the Weasley men. 

The more I read other stories which touch on the M+ ratings the more I feel I really flubbed the honeymoon part.  I might go back and re-write once I get more of a feel how others "do it"

Other's have mentioned the lack of mourning for Fred. I too believe he would have wanted a celebration of the good that came out of it all.  But since there have been so many comments, I think that too is something I have to redo. 

Thanks for reading!



Name: morgana (Anonymous) · Date: 19/01/09 1:39 PM · Chapter: Chapter 1-A New Beginning
Hiya,

I definitely like the mythology connection makes sense.

I think the fact that Draco has gone abroad and is trying to keep a low profile is quite realistic. Now, when you were describing Narcissa's point of view I was a little unsure as to whether this was an excuse she put forward at the trial or whether they really both her and Lucius converted truly. It would appear from reading on that their conversion was genuine although it seems a little sudden. You mention that they found out about Voldy's blood status and hence how hypocritical he had been. Maybe, but this is just my opinion, at least one of them would have only chance sides due to sheer necessity.

Now, the other thing I'm not too sure about is the language Minoan uses, when he says "he's been injured" etc, it seemed a little over poetic. However, his arrogance and the fact that he assumes that she is just plaing hard to get, it's very realistic in my view.

I really like your writing style and the flow. You manage to keep the reader's interest very well too.

I'll be back soon to review more. x

Author's Response:

Thanks for stopping in!!  I'm glad you got a chance to read.

Could their conversion be genuine or simply due to necessity?  Good question.  When I would read HP, especially the last 2 books, I felt a bit of hesitance in them with their continued support of Voldy.  They obviously (especially Narcissa) did not like her son being pulled into the fray to carry out Voldy's plan.  She wanted him protected at all costs and went behind Voldy's back to ensure some support/protection for her son.  Lucius was equally backpaddling with some of his comments in DH when he said things like "we did... I mean we do"  I think at this point in the game they are both just fearing for their lives and for their son's life and possibly wishing that things were different.  Narcissa got her chance to do the right thing in the Forbidden Forest. Of course it was selfishly conceived but still the right thing. I'm not saying that they entirely will let go of their bigotry for muggleborns etc.  Some people are just raised a certain way and they either embrace or are repulsed by certain teachings.  We will see how much of their change is genuine in future chapters.  I have some twists and turns planned which will leave you wondering at times.

As for Minoan, he will not be returning to this story. I pictured him as a pompous arse who could never in a million years think of being turned down by anyone.  Maybe I might need to rephrase his surprise at her rejection with some 21st century language.  You might be right that he sounds a bit overly poetic.   Europa had her fill of him and was tired of his pursuit and she finally put him in his place.  Did you happen to look up the curse?  He'll be in discomfort for a bit and I made sure Draco took the directions for the cure to this old spell with him.  Aren't I evil?

I'm glad to hear that you actually think I have a style to my writing.  As you know this is my first try at writing and I didn't want to sound to juvenile.  I know I have some things to work on but, in time, I think I can work it out.

Come back for more when you get a chance. 



Name: SpringTime (Signed) · Date: 17/01/09 3:15 PM · Chapter: Chapter 10- Wizard's Debt
This is probably my favorite chapter so far. I liked the little back and forth that Harry and Draco had, as well as the ease in which Harry had helped him to take care of Scorpius. You summarized a bit from the Room or Requirement but I felt it was done well, not too much summary and dealt more with how Draco had felt then what had happened.
The only cc I think I can provide for this is maybe more detail... things about how Harry might have looked to Draco after all that time, and maybe he was a bit disheveled or just red rimmed eyes or something to show he felt the loss of Ron, like he wasn't able to hide it as well as he thought (that is just a suggestion and you do not need to listen to me).
All in all I think you have a very good story potential and for a first try is pretty good and I can see the growth in your writing from the first chapter to now. Feel free to come back and request from me anytime :) I hope these reviews were helpful.

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for taking the time to read these chapters.  When I get a few more done I'll put my name back in your queue for another round.

Your last comment was the best of all referring to the growth in my writing.  If I remained stagnant from 1 to 10 that would be bad, but knowing I'm hitting a groove in this whole writing business is a plus to me.  I think, knowing that it is improving will allow me to go back to previous chapters and rework them to include everyone's suggestions. Just finding the time is hard (she says whilst taking a break from painting the bathroom ceiling.)



Name: SpringTime (Signed) · Date: 15/01/09 8:04 PM · Chapter: Chapter 9- And So It Begins
Nice little cliffie. I have a guess who it might be though... I will wait to tell you if I was right next review. A couple of suggestions... some indication that you are switching from Harry to Draco's POV, either a little different spaving or a line or something. Also I think that you still have a bit of summary in here... I know that you feel it is important, but I think that if you feel necessary to summarize then it should be done in a more natural way somehow. I enjoyed the way you told about the changing in Harry and Snapes relationship. I also liked Hermione's grief though it was brief.

Author's Response:

Hermione will definately get more of a chance to mourn the loss of Ron.  I have a funeral to write in next chapter and will try to explore her grief further. I couldn't put it in this chapter as I needed to tend to the other stuff first. 

I will have to go back and space out the POV issues.  Sometimes I think about it and other times I just keep writing.  Every day is a lesson.

I couldn't wait to get back to Snape's portrait.  I touched on it in the wedding and planned on revisiting it. I had another idea in mind but decided to place it into this part of the story in order to keep the main theme moving along.  I hope I covered it properly. 

I'll have to re-read this to see what you are referring to in regards to the summary.  I like summarizing bits of the original story.  I'll try to see what you mean by doing it in a more natural way and see if I can work it out.  I'm not sure if I can since I'm still learning the process but I'll try.



Name: SpringTime (Signed) · Date: 14/01/09 8:15 PM · Chapter: Chapter 6- A Blessing
I have no idea how i missed this chapter and i appologize emensly. There were a couple of typo's that I am sure you could catch easily enough with a quick read through. I know that you said that the floo was still hooked up from their wedding, but it seems a bit OOC for Draco to have put all the wards in place and not have thought about his floo? Especially since it was to the Malfoy manner, a place where any death eater might have gone to get to him? (I am just making an observation that it seemed a little easy for Narcissa to have gotten to his place), maybe if you had her at least stress how difficult it had been and that she had to use some sort of password to get through the floo or something?
Now i understand the They at the beginning of the next chapter a lot more :) Good thing you caught that :)

Author's Response:

You do read the responses to your reviews!!  Thanks for going back to read the one you missed.

I know what you are saying about the floo, however we are talking about Malfoy Manor.  One of the most heavily warded homes.  If you noticed, she tried flooing to Draco's from another location but couldn't as it was blocked.  The only access was via the Manor and any stray DE (which have mostly been rounded up by the Aurors) would never be able to access the Manor.  You will see later in the story that the floo will be shut down for security purposes and the reasons why. 

Thanks again!



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