Gluttony: Fanfiction
Indulge Yourself!
Reviews For Unwritten

Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 12/05/11 8:06 AM · Chapter: Diffindo

Yes, I can imagine why you said in your note that this chapter was difficult to write. It IS hard to write chapters where nothing seems to happen, where nothing seems to be added to the plot, but, in fact, it IS there, it IS moving and developing.

I guess the information Sprout gave should be sufficient for a trained Auror to find Snape, after all, she has a name and an approximate location.

Good job here on writing some fine dialogues and a decent try on Hagrid's dialect. Also, I liked how you brought in that seed of doubt, that conflict of interests even between people wou're on the same side. 



Author's Response: Thank you very much --- I already have lots of ideas on how to revise this chapter. I've heard some comments that Hagrid was a little out of character, but I wanted to bring across that he has very human feelings and is not all comic relief. He did not like being used by Dorcas, and this may affect his actions in future chapters. Not much further to go, I can hardly believe I've finally finished this! thanks for reading & reviewing since the beginning :)


Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 06/09/10 9:09 AM · Chapter: Belladonna

Amazing. I wonder when was the last time Severus Snape received so much love and caring from ANYBODY. If anything, this will bring him back to this world.

I will have to go back and read it from the beginning to understand when it had precisely happened - heck, I've been missing on this story for too long - but it seems Lily finally learned to trust Severus. And, this is the only way she and Harry can survive.

I honestly didn't expect to find that confusing moment in the story. Once friends for a lifetime, then separated by that thrice blasted word, that sudden moment of almost intimate closeness was a little odd. Until I recalled that they once were friends for a lifetime. As such, I applaud you for having included it in this chapter. Was a really heartwarming touch.

Do update soon! I loves this preciousss.



Author's Response: Thanks! I'm hard at work on Chapter 16 and hope I will finish it soon. I think that (my version of) Lily has buried her feelings for Severus ever since that fateful day by the lake. She loved James and she was happy with him, but she had a deep connection to Severus. Time will tell whether anything comes of it, in this story!


Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 06/09/10 7:56 AM · Chapter: Rennervate

I'm really sorry that Dorcas got so little "screen time" in the books: a few brief mentionings and that's all. However, I would have loved to see her the way you portray her: strong and fearless.

Indeed, explanations have come due and finally everybody knows the truth about Lily and Harry's escape. Now, the chase starts: who gets to them first?

I loved this chapter; quite a few brilliantly carved sentences giving it the flair it deserves. You have a certain talent to immerse your readers into the scenery with your descriptive writing.



Author's Response: Thanks so much: I wish Dorcas had gotten more of a role in the books too, she is wide open to interpretation. I'm so glad you enjoyed this installment!


Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 10/07/10 8:42 AM · Chapter: Confundus

Goody-goody. Some top-notch Auror action here, and the Dursleys are safe.

An enjoyable part was Petunia's interaction with the "freaks", which, strangely, has been changing quite a few times, lastly being thankful for being saved and taken care of. This was a most challenging piece to write, I'm sure.

Finally, I loved the Sirius-Dorcas interaction, which led to some very poignant, lively dialogues. All in all, a very strong piece of writing. There's nothing wrong with some AU, by the way :D



Author's Response: Thank you, I'm so glad you liked this chapter. You're right, this was a difficult chapter, it was tricky to keep everyone in character and keep the action moving at the correct pace. Looking at it again, it's screaming for revision, but I think I'll wait till I've finished the whole thing before I go back and attack the punctuation.


Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 10/07/10 8:32 AM · Chapter: Invidia

Two half chapters, as different as can be, magnificently coming to full circle at the end.

A cold, bloodthirsty, cruel glance into the Death Eaters' lair. Fantastic descriptive talents you have.

Then, a mourning Lily Evans, torn apart by her double feelings towards her sister. There are times when hatred and jealousy wins, now it's time for a touch of sistely love.

Brilliant writing, as always. Bravo!



Author's Response: Thank you so much. I am feeling more and more sympathetic to Petunia as the story goes on... have to remember to keep her from getting too kind!


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 09/07/10 9:55 PM · Chapter: Rennervate

Whoa! Well, that's one way of dropping us firmly back into your story!

Now, it's a race to find Severus, Lily and Harry . . . ready . . .set . . . GO!

HE!HE!HE!

Glad to see it's still a WIP that ISN'T gathering dust ( like mine! )

 



Author's Response: thanks Holly :) I finally broke through the block on this chapter, and then the rest of it is lining up more easily... though I seem to be the mistress of famous last words on this account. I'm very glad you liked the chapter!


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 10/02/10 9:48 PM · Chapter: Confundus
Goggie? That's prescious! Sickening, but precious, none the less.
And quick thinking and good cover story for the "Fire Brigade Damage".
Now, BOTH sides are searching for Severus/Lilly/Harry, it'lls just be a matter of who figures out where they are first with, I'm sure . . . knowing you, a few twists and turns between point A and point B.
Looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: thank you! I hope not to have as long a wait. Who will get there first, I guess that's the main problem awaiting our heroes (or is it ;) )


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 10/02/10 9:28 PM · Chapter: Invidia
WEll, jumping back into this story is really an eye opener . . . But I'm all caught up and back into the flow of the story.
Yeah, Petunia should have taken Dumbledore's letter to heart, but as it turns out, her sister ISN'T there to protect her AND she knows she's in deep trouble now. At least she honestly DOESN'T know where Harry is, but that wouldn't save her from "questioning" will it?
AH well, onward to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. It was one of those chapters that flowed easily in the writing but was emotionally difficult to write. (Sisters...) Thanks for hopping back on the crazy AU train :)


Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 23/06/09 7:28 AM · Chapter: Revelio

I was always of a very high opinion about your amazing writings skills, yet, in this chapter you surpassed even yourself. I could go on ranbling for ages, but here everything's just perfect and in good proportions.

A well designed Dorcas Meadowes;we didn't know too much of her, as of yet. You made good use of your artistic freedom to put down a believable character.

Then, I loved your dialogues and descriptions as well. You even could surprise me with your Peeves-songs, I was like ROTFL. Especially, Hagrid's pun, which was a brilliant one.

Just like the whole chapter was brilliant and very well worth the wait. Unfortunately, I can't give you six stars, five will have to do,



Author's Response: Thank you so much for your continuing, faithful reviews -- I'm really glad you've enjoyed the latest installment! This chapter took a long time to complete, and I'm glad the final product succeeded :)


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 22/06/09 10:27 PM · Chapter: Revelio

Interestng look into Severus' room and it's contents.

What to do now? It must be absolutely KILLING Sirius to keep his big mouth shut.  Bet James is getting a giggle out of THAT!

HE!HE!HE! 



Author's Response: Thanks as always for your encouraging and fun reviews! Sirius has to decide whether or not to obey Dumbledore. Yes, I bet that James is having a good laugh at him from beyond the veil. ;)


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 19/06/09 8:37 AM · Chapter: Morsmordre

I KNOW I did a review of this chapter before, becasue I remember saying something about Petunia sneaking into the service at the end, but just noticed it isn't here!

Well, anyway, this was the chapter I was looking forward to reading, to see Albus and Sirius' reactions to the discovery that it was Peter in the coffin and not Lily.

The tricky bit will be finding Severus and Lily before Voldemort, and before he realizes they've been deceiving him and that Harry is alive.

And the Prewett brothers, now we know where the Weasley 'temper' comes from - Molly's side . . for sure!

HE!HE!HE! 



Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it, I think you reviewed it previously too, but I may be having a case of deja-review. :) Thank you!


Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 01/06/09 1:45 PM · Chapter: Incendio

I love that effortless affinity you're handling your original characters with.

Myra and her daughter could have just stepped off the pageso fany of the original books.They fit into this universe perfectly and are an entertaining read due to your perfect characterization.

I'm a little confused at to Harry being Severus' child instead of James. Where on Earth has Myra made such a conclusion from?

Otherwise a beautiful chapter, I truly enjoyed it.



Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind review and for pointing out the plot hole. I'm grateful to have such attentive readers! I hope to develop the OCs more as the story goes along, but I'm glad they are off to a good start.


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 01/06/09 12:36 PM · Chapter: Incendio

Sometimes I just want to take people and shake them until their teeth rattle - and they get a little sense pounded into them!

Okay, Severus, this isn't the most advvantagious of situations but suck it up and play along! Lily is still alive and there WITH YOU!!!!!!

Jeez, I thought the kids had the whole agnst thing to themselves but old Severus is running a close second!  GET A GRIP! And get up and get ahold of Albus and get a plan going and get rid of old Baldy Voldie and GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!!!!!     WITH Lily! HINT! HINT!

(When a chapter gets me this upset, that means it's a GREAT chapter! )

HE!HE!HE!



Author's Response: Thanks! Yes, I can tell that you liked it when you get fired up! Our antihero isn't exactly thinking straight...


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 01/06/09 12:07 PM · Chapter: Unbreakable

Wow, that was some fight!

Sorry I've not been around to review but am trying to catch up this AM.

ANYWAY!

I loved the bravery that Posey showed and that Lily got the better of some of those DEs.

Now, lets' hope she's made it back to Wales in time to help Severus not bleed to death! ( of course she has, otherwise it'd be a short story! HA!HA! )

ONWARD! HE!HE!HE!



Author's Response: Thank you! Glad you enjoyed the chapter and glad to see you around the archive, as well!


Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 06/05/09 10:30 AM · Chapter: Morsmordre

Well, you've been doing a helluva writing recently, expanding your universe with 3 fantastic chapters.

This is the chapter when ends are being tied together. Peter's deeds are uncovered and the hope rises that Lily and Harry still might be live. Wonderfully in-character Dumbledore and Sirius! Also loved the depictions of the Prewett brothers; it's clear Where Molly's temper comes from.

Two tiny remarks, rather questions:

- Hasn't Moody lost his eye later on, in another fight with the Death Eaters?

- The absence of the Weasleys can't be explained by the fact that Ginny's been born, she was born 11th August. Were the Weasleys simply afraid to come to the funeral?

And what a way to end the chapter with this cliffhanger! Lily, Disillusioned, visiting her own funeral? Bravo!



Author's Response: I'll answer your questions as much as I can without being a spoiler! When I was writing this chapter, I went back and forth on the line explaining the Weasleys' absence. Maybe I'll put that one back in, it may be needed for clarity's sake! Moody's eye: that's just an AU artistic license ;) Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks as always for your helpful reviews.


Name: morgana (Anonymous) · Date: 05/05/09 2:22 PM · Chapter: Morsmordre
Oh, this is a great chapter and really intriguing. I have forgotten quite a bit of it to be honest.

Thanks so much for quoting me but honestly, I only gave you a little feedback.

It's beautifully written as always. I love the descriptions and as I said, the mystery.

Well done!

Author's Response: You were a big help, Morgana! :) Your comments really made me think. I'm very pleased you enjoyed the finished product!


Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 04/05/09 10:34 AM · Chapter: Imperius

A journey which very easily can turn out to be the last one for our heroes. They are desperate not to allow it happen and make some very necessary measures.

It seems they will have to improvise on the spot if they want to survive this day and Severus' will have to keep up the facade before his fellow DE and Voldemort. They can't afford being unmasked.

Some very nicely carved diaogues in here, filling in on some previously untold events in Harry's first year. Voldy and Bella are marvellously portrayed to the tiniest details of their twisted, cruel minds.

Onwards to the next chapter, to see the Great Escape!



Author's Response: I'm very happy you enjoyed it! Voldemort and Bellatrix were easier than I thought to write, just had to let my inner evil out to play. It was important not to make Bellatrix too crazy, because she hasn't been to Azkaban. Thanks for your review!


Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 04/05/09 10:22 AM · Chapter: Unbreakable

Oh no, my dear, you've made it totally yourself! I only gave some tiny ideas, the kudos is all yours. Still, I'm flattered....

It's a very, very intricate chapter. Severus and Lily had to act believably if they wanted to get away unharmed and well from the DE club meeting and you managed to display this atmosphere incredibly well. Also, I liked the small filler scenes; each of them adding something new to the whole picture.

I got all emotional at the scene when Lily remembered their memories togethe. "She would not let him die." Powerfully depicted emotions!

I can't wait to see what you come up next with. Never thought I'd fancy a Lily/Snape fic that much :)



Author's Response: Thank you! I had the tissues out while writing the end of the scene. Lily's feelings for Snape run deeper than she had realized, and she's trying to come to terms with James' loss at the same time. I am glad that this story is giving a new view of a ship that many refuse to read! ;) Thank you for your review and also for your help with completing the chapter!


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 02/05/09 6:48 AM · Chapter: Imperius

S.P., my darling,

Don't EVER apologize for cliffies, they are the heart and soul of a good story . . . makes the readers want to ( have to ) come back for more.

This chapter was very descriptive and made you feel like you were watching the scene in the dining room from the protection of an 'Invisibility Cloak'.

That house-elf may be a ally in the future, I get the feeling, but with Bella as her mistress, that would be taking a BIG risk.

Very telling moment when Cissa reacted to the 'reason' for Harry's 'death' that Severus offered old Baldie Voldie. Her maternal instinct is evident, even this early, when it comes to Draco.

Looking forward to the next chapter.



Author's Response: I am so pleased you liked it! I was hoping that Narcissa's strong reactions to the (false) news of Harry's demise would be noticed. Lucius may be a committed Death Eater, but he is beginning to realize, in my version, that Draco and Narcissa come first, whereas Narcissa only ever wanted to protect her family. I don't want to say too much and show my cards ;) Glad you're along for the ride, Holly!


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 21/02/09 6:12 PM · Chapter: Disillusionment

I heartily agree with Severus about not taking Harry to Albus . . . too many eyes and ears at Hogwarts, too easy for someone to slip up and someone else find out too much!

I have to keep reminding myself that this AU has people in places they shouldn't be; Peter dead and Sirius out and about and NOT in Azkaban.  An that means Frank and Alice and still functional Aurors, too.

Okay, I'm all caught up and ready for the next chapter, which looks to be a doozie!

"Oh boy, oh boy, this is gonna be fun!"

HE!HE!HE!



Author's Response: Why thank you! I'm glad you liked it. Yes, I'll be returning to Sirius and the Aurors before long, but I thought it would be a bit cruel to leave the Snape/Lily situation at such a cliffhanger. I'm glad you're along for the ride. :D


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 16/01/09 4:46 PM · Chapter: Protego
interesting little scene with Harry and the 'Legilimens", but of course Severus was right, James, in all probability, have dueled him and their chance for escape would ahve been lost becasue he ( James ) wouldn't have listened - thinking it was a trap.

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it, sorry for the (very) long wait ;) Oh no, an AU plot bunny on top of an AU, have to finish this one first!


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 05/12/08 4:09 PM · Chapter: Invisibility

OMG! I must have not gotten this far over on the other site, as I DON'T remember Lily turning back into Peter. Well Nelly! The fondue is gonna hit the fan in the morning, isn't it?  Then everyone will know that Lily AND Harry are alive and WITH Severus . . . . but WHERE????? (We, of course, know, but they don't . . sincker, snicker!)

I really like all of the possibilities that are out there . . just waiting to be used by you in this great little story!

Bravo!

P.S. I've seen a Costa Bower . . wonder if I could see a Therstral??? Hummm?!?! Bet I could.

 



Author's Response: I'm glad I have your "what-if" wheels-a-turning *evil grin* Thank you for all the reviews, I have found them helpful in pointing out possible plot holes! (though, I'm not saying which ones ;) )


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 04/12/08 11:22 PM · Chapter: Amortentia

Well, well, well, this is a fine kettle of fish, isn't it?

First Petunia couldn't care less that her sister's dead or her nephew's missing.  ( and James doesn't even count, so I won't mention  him )

Then Severus and Lily are at cross purposes, through such a long series of misunderstandings and missed opportunities that it's almost too sad to think about.

Can it get any worse . . . you betcha! And my guess is, it'll get a LOT worse before it gets better, because Voldemort is still out there, not 'vanished' like in 'the books'.  But Sirius isn't headed to Askaban, either!

So, where do we go from here, boys and girls?  Only time and the posting of the next chapter will tell!

HE!HE!HE!



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 04/12/08 12:02 AM · Chapter: Transfiguration

Yeah, the time frame doesn't work, does it. If Lily was dead for hours, why hadn't James notified someone? It just doesn't add up and it'll be a bee buzzing in the back of Albus' brain, won't it?

Will they EVER figure it out?

Will Lily try to get away from Seveurs?

Will Sirius find them?

Stay tuned, boys and girls . . . the futher adventures of Lily and Severus will continue, right after this short break . . . .

HE!HE!HE!

 

 



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 25/11/08 4:42 PM · Chapter: Fidelius

Did you post this on another site, as it seems vaguely familiar, but I don't remember ever finishing it. ( I've read so much Fanfic, I'm getting cross-eyed! HA! HA! )

THAT SAID, this looks like it'll be one helluva story!

One sticky point for me though; if Frank can figure out the Severus killed 'Lily', why can't he see the body has been transfigured? Or is Severus' spell work too good for detection?

Will have to wait and see, huh?

HE!HE!HE!



Author's Response: I did post this on HPFF! I remember you liked it quite a lot over there, too. :D This version has been polished up a lot and some points have been expanded on. Thanks for the review!


You must login (register) to review.