Name: datbenik513 (Signed) · Date: 10/05/10 6:19 AM · Chapter: Chapter 1

An intriguing idea. Exactly because Riddle was afraid of Death and spent all his life trying to conquer it.

This is a rather tricky style you have attempted, Present Tense, with a hint of "stream of consciousness". For the purpose of this story, this was the best choice.

I spotted a few small nitpicks I would correct in the text. Nothing serious, a few missing words, a few typos. If you want to, I can point them out in a separate email. Besides, I somehow felt that there was no end to the story. It shouldn't anything flashy, a sentence or two is enough, but Riddle should step through the barrier to start his Afterlife.

Afterlife is one of my favourite theme's in fanfiction. My one-shot, "He loved me, after all" ends where this story of yours start, while "Shadowlands" takes completely part in the Afterlife. Do check them out if you have some time; I'd love to hear your thoughts.

As for me, do continue with this series, please. I would love to read your take on Fred, Lupin and Tonks; the three most unnecessary deaths in Deadly Horrible (I beg your pardon, Deathly Hallows). Especially Tonks. Please consider her.

Author's Response:

Having lost my mother at an early age, I have become very sure on my feeling of 'Deadly Horrible' you mention.

No death comes before its time and I have no thought besides fictional for the Shadowlands.

For a brighter note I shall get to your stories as soon as possible.

Thanks for the review and the critiques. I will try to make corrections you suggested. I will humbly refuse you assistance at this time.


Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 08/05/10 3:34 PM · Chapter: Chapter 1

What a wonderful idea for a story . . as nobody really gives a rip what happens to old Baldie Voldie after he snuffs it, so this gives him a bit of redemption, which is what Harry told him he needed to search for as his last act . . maybe he WAS thinking about that with some part of his brain while dueling Harry . . I'm really interested in seeing where you go with this . . also makes ME think about when in MY life I was happiest . . Hummmm???

Okay: I'm sort of the resident R&R spelling/grammar/punctuation/canon nazi so here's what I found in your story . . the first sentence of the last paragraph is jumbled, like your were thinking 2 things at once and they BOTH made it onto the page . . .

‘I believe that if remember what I have tried to teach you Tom.     HUH?

And if THAT'S the only boo-boo, you're doing great!  Looking forward to the next chapter.

Author's Response:

Well, thanks for the review. I look forward to your 'suggestions.

You may as well hold onto that red marker for BooBoo's

I am going to submit a full novel i wrote and you'll need it.

I do take a few liberties with JK story line. Changes I make to help my story run smoother.


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