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Reviews For BETROTHED

Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 10/01/14 6:49 PM · Chapter: Chapter 8

Keep this one up, you're doing fine. It's getting better and better. I like how it's gone to the Burrow now. Ron's reaction, I'm sure, will be less than serence...heheh



Author's Response:

I am trying to look over the chapters that you are reviewing

now that I see some feedback 

I have to go back through my notes and start writing

I have my ending all planned out but am not sure how to get there

without just 'hitting the wall'



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 10/01/14 6:46 PM · Chapter: Chapter 7

Interesting take, once again. You have to wonder how it would work in the States - Grand Central Station, NY, or a bunch of smaller ones going somewhere, given the size of the USA? I like this chapter, although a few more tiny details could really spruce it up.



Author's Response:

I haven't traveled enough within the States to be able to pick out areas for the Wizards to get together

Its such a large country, with the populus spread out.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 10/01/14 6:41 PM · Chapter: Chapter 6

Well, that revelation had to be coming, didn't it? I like how Hermione took Elroy around and showed him what had happened. I would imagine that the Americans would have had very little, if only propaganda type info, on what was happening. Nice bit with the owls vs. phones, too. That made sense, although the tech would have limited use areas, I think. Your last line was great for closing this chapter, too.



Author's Response:

I always thought that if they had faster communications, similar to the silver patronus used to save them at Bill's wedding to Fluer, that Harry may have been caught at the Lovegood's



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 10/01/14 6:33 PM · Chapter: Chapter 4

The only problem I have with this is (other Harry being able to accomplish Legillimency) is his use of it without asking Hermione, or using it by force on someone he's disarmed. I don't know if this is foreshadowing or not, but it just doesn't seem right. Other than than, no complaints.



Author's Response:

I was really just showing how advanced Harry was from everyone else

May need him to step in with the Elder wand later to save a life



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 10/01/14 6:27 PM · Chapter: Heathrow Airport

Interesting twist with the uncle. Thought I saw that one coming! I also like the bit with the dad having 'played wizards' and jumped off the roof. Foreshadowing?



Author's Response:

we did cover 'fore shadowing' in Junior high creative writing

who would have thought I would ever use it



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 10/01/14 6:22 PM · Chapter: Chapter 2

This is interesting, but it's a bit rushed. "Take the memory," with no explanation or discussion. I find it hard to believe it would go that fast. This is one chapter that you should probably expand on, as the premises here are so full of potential.



Author's Response:

didn't want to get to far off course

but I will have a look



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 10/01/14 6:16 PM · Chapter: Chapter 1

We often have to wonder what happened to some of the canon characters, before we 'met' them in the books. This is an area wide open to exploration, and I think this a good premise for Hermione.



Author's Response:

thanks 

read on 



Name: wytchkitty13 (Signed) · Date: 06/12/12 7:07 AM · Chapter: Chapter 1

I liked this chapter. It was very refreshing to meet Elroy, he sounded so nice. Was also sad since he had to move away and that promise they made...wow, so young...and yet heartfelt. I'm interested to see where this goes :)



Author's Response:

thanks for the review W.kitty

I really enjoy writing about Elroy and am trying not to get to the end too quickly

one of my issues is I always know where I am heading and just don't take time getting there.

makes some of my stories move along and I forget to add in the interesting facts 



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