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Name: granpa harry (Signed) · Date: 23/04/14 10:56 PM · Chapter: The First Night.

I like it so far, but don't expect a review each chapter.

I also do not notice grammer or spelling

GH



Author's Response:

*grins* Thanks for the review. No need to review every chapter anyway. I doubt you'll have stuff to say about all of them.

 

Hope you enjoy the rest of the story.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 29/01/14 2:41 AM · Chapter: Gifts and Games.

I think you're talking about Teddy, not Albus, at the beginning? And unless Andromeda remarried, he's only got her as a grandparent.

Nice to see a pleasant Christmas without any real disasters!



Author's Response:

No, I meant that Albus's grandparents would have welcomed Teddy to the Burrow. I'll change that "he" to "Teddy" to make it clearer what I meant. It does sound as if the "he" refers to Albus all right. Thanks for drawing my attention to that.

And glad you enjoyed their Christmas. No major disasters yet!



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 21/01/14 2:57 AM · Chapter: The Empty Inkwell.

Nice chapter, especially the relationship between James and Rose. I liked the unique take on Muggle vs. Magic upbringing as well. Not overdone, and not overly 'stupid', like some I've read. Just right.

I do have a bit of a problem with Flitwick seeming to not know, or not really care what has happened so far, though. Unless that's part of the plot? He seemed, at the end, to sort of blow the kids off? I would think that finding the ink bottle would have caused a lot more excitement with the teachers. Then again??



Author's Response:

Thanks for the reivew. Glad the whole comparison of backgrounds came across as realistic.

And thanks for the constructive criticism. Flitwick is taking it seriously. He just doesn't necessarily want to make a fuss about it in front of the students. But it's DEFINITELY not meant to come across as if he's just blowing them off, so I'll take another look at that when I get a chance and see if I can make it clearer that he is concerned and is just being professional rather than dismissive.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 18/01/14 7:17 AM · Chapter: What the Portraits Saw,

Good covering of all the bases here. Ghosts, Portraits, you name it. I'm thinking Portrait Burke is a hint? If not, it could be a good one. Nice and suspenseful, and good thinking along the lines of how the kids would proceed.



Author's Response:

Glad you liked it. Thanks again for your regular reviews. 



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 15/01/14 12:23 PM · Chapter: Suspecting Scorpius.

You know, sometimes I wish I was a Muggle. At least then, nobody’d know who my family are and what they done.

Probably the best line in the story so far. You could go places with that one. It's a good capture of the kids here, too. How they'd act, what they'd say...all in all a good chapter.

The only problem I had was the reaction when Albus apologized to Scorpius. It seemed a bit rushed and ... lacking...somehow. However, that would be a hard thing to do. Very hard.



Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Glad you liked it. And thanks for the concrit. I'll take another look at that conversation sometime and see if I can improve it.


Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 10/01/14 3:37 AM · Chapter: The Chamber's Echo.

And the plot thickens! While not much happened in this chapter, you need one like this at about this time. I like how you handled the backstory on Ginny, too. Of course, this would not be something they would talk about, but I do see a setup for a bit of strife in the family over this one with Rose knowing. That's a good move. So far, so good.



Author's Response:

Thanks again for the review. 

I had a bit of difficulty actually deciding how much needed to be said around here, since obviously the reader will know more than Albus does, since we've read about Harry's time at Hogwarts in detail, whereas there are things he might not be comfortable talking to his pre-teen kids about, like "oh by the way, your mum was once bewitched into letting a Basilisk loose that almost killed your aunt and then she was captured by a memory in the Chamber of Secrets and almost died, but I saved her, almost dying myself in the process." Rather frightening for an 11 year old to hear.

And yes, things might get a little confused at Christmas when the family are talking.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 05/01/14 4:43 AM · Chapter: Caught Red-Handed.

Great chapter! Full of suspense, and good captures of emotinal reactions. We can already see that Albus is somewhat high strung,and Rose near to being a copy of  her mother. You might consider that Rowling usually had her characters doing things in 3's, though. As when Harry thought he was about to die, he remembed to tell Neville so there would be 3. I know you didn't want a "Trio" story, too...just a thought.



Author's Response:

Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed the chapter.

Yeah, Rose is quite like Hermione all right. As the story and its sequel progress, I do try to show she's not a complete Hermione-clone. She's not QUITE as smart as Hermione for one thing - like she's one of the two or three highest achievers in her year, rather than being streets ahead of everybody else - and she's not as concerned about rule breaking - it's usually Albus that worries about breaking rules - and she has a touch of Ron's tactlessness, which combined with Hermione's know-it-allness doesn't always end well. But yeah, she's definitely her mother's daughter.

Thanks for the suggestion.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 31/12/13 12:26 PM · Chapter: Hallowe'en

Great end to a good chapter!



Author's Response:

Thanks. Glad you liked it.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 31/12/13 12:17 PM · Chapter: Ravenclaw versus Gryffindor.

I normally don't read Quidditch matches; I just skim over this one, but this one was short and to the point. You also handled Albus' conundrum quite well. Interesting bit with the scales, too.



Author's Response:

*laughs* I'm not a great fan of Quidditch chapters myself. Seems we have similar opinions on a few things! I tend to skim them too. That's why they tend to get mixed in with other things like the scales here or James's try-out going in with Blackburn's weird behaviour.

Glad you liked Albus's feelings about his brother playing against his house.

Thanks again for the reviews.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 31/12/13 12:06 PM · Chapter: The Flying Lesson.

I like how you've set the stage even more here, and also portrayed Scorpius as a suspect, while at the same time, also portrayed him as pitiable and seemingly lonely. Well done.



Author's Response:

I had a bit of a conundrum about how to portray Scorpius, apart from as a suspect, because I didn't want him to be just Draco mark 2. I wanted him to have his own personality. But I also didn't want to do a new trio with him, Rose and Albus, because I think that is hard to make convincing considering all the history between their families. But it did occur to me that the Malfoys must be rather isolated as they aren't really going to be fully accepted by "good" society, while at the same time they are likely to be seen as traitors by the Death Eaters and their supporters. And people are bound to question the way they changed sides just as Voldemort was losing, if they don't know the full story.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 23/12/13 3:24 AM · Chapter: Mysteries.

Interesting. I do hope you've got the next chapter in the works. Look for your ratings to increase, too!



Author's Response:

Yeah, I actually have this entire story completely. I just have to post it.

 

Hope you enjoy the rest and thanks again for your reviews. It was great to log in and find five more.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 23/12/13 3:17 AM · Chapter: The Gryffindor Quidditch Team.

I liked how you got James onto the team without the usual "Oh, I'm a natural, so I'm there" cliche. Well done. I have to admit, I'm not much on the hateful teacher thing, but we'll see where it goes. Good sense of anticipation building, holds our interest. To be honest, with a WIP, I've found so very many where I've given up by now! But I want to see what happens here.



Author's Response:

As you've probably worked out now, this is a little more complicated that Blackburn just being "the hateful teacher". I don't like that idea either. I like all characters' motivations to be someway understandable and not just have people being nasty for the sake of it.

 

I'm glad it's holding your interest. I kind of consider this to be the chapter when the story really starts in earnest as the question of what is going on with Blackburn and why she reacts so bizarrely is sort of the first mystery here. It won't be entirely solved until year 2 though, which I am currently working on.

 

I'm glad you like James's try out for the team. I wanted to create some suspense and not just have it, "oh, he's James Potter; of course he'll make the team." I wanted there to be at least a moment when readers might consider the possibility he might not.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 23/12/13 3:08 AM · Chapter: The Slug Club.

You've summed up Slughorn's party pretty well, and introduced some good combinations and aspirations. Good job.



Author's Response:

Thanks for the review. Glad you liked it.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 23/12/13 2:49 AM · Chapter: A Magical Education.

A bit rushed, but other than that, no complaints. I should not be the one to talk, as I sometimes run away with myself and make judicial use of the delete key, but don't be afraid of detail here and there. I do like the idea of ending the chapter with Nick coming in; bit of mystery. One question - why was Albus afraid of looking like a fool in front of Scorpius?



Author's Response:

Albus is just nervous about making a fool of himself in general and particularly in front of the son of his father's enemy. 

 

Thanks for your advice about the detail. I guess I'm a little worried about wasting too much time on introduction, so maybe I went too far to the opposite extreme. Might take another look over this chapter when I get a chance and see if I can expand on things.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 23/12/13 2:39 AM · Chapter: The First Night.

This is an interesting twist. I've never considered Albus in Ravenclaw. It just goes to show how others' imaginations can go off into different directions. I do like it so far. I would offer only one critique - I have no idea what Albus' roomies look like. As Holly used to say, onward! (Even though I have an aversion to WIP's, onward, that is!)



Author's Response:

Firstly, thank you for all the reviews. I was delighted to sign in and find them today.

 

And yeah, you've picked up on my weakness. I am absolutely no good at any kind of physical description. I can barely describe things I've seen in real life (actually, I often CAN'T), so there isn't too much of it in my stories.

 

I liked the idea of Albus ending up in one of the houses he hadn't even considered. *grins*

 

Thanks again.



Name: granpa harry (Signed) · Date: 15/08/13 12:32 PM · Chapter: The First Night.

nice start. I like seeing the children in new houses. It will give you a chance to make up your own common room.

Suggestion: I think you forgot to let them all eat on the first night. 

Good Luck

GH



Author's Response:

Thanks for the review. I only just saw it.

I've that corrected now. Thanks for pointing it out.



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