Hey, I'm Leslie and I'm a full-time college student finishing up my third year who enjoys reading and writing in my spare time. Also, some of you may know me from HPFF as onestop_hpfan18.
Cera wasn't your average sixteen year old, she was far from it. With a debilitating blood disease that lands her in the hospital on her sixteenth birthday, Cera learns she has a destiny even she doesn't want to accept. As she learns to cope with her new found fate, she realizes not everything she learned as a child in Sunday school is quite so accurate.
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I really like how you've started this story off with the prologue being before Cera was born and then fast forwarding to her as a child. Also, excellent flow of narration, especially when Cero is pondering why her mother doesn't go above and beyond to spend time with her. It matches up with how her mother felt about being chosen to carry this child, Cero. Over all, you did a great job really starting this story with the thought of drawing in the reader the moment they begin reading. 10/10
Thanks Leslie! You're a doll. I really didn't want to start off the novel right from where Cera was a teenager wondering why her mother hated her. I think this way, it gives the readers insight into how Myra works and why - in later years - the woman dislikes her own 'daughter'.
I'm really glad you liked the prologue and first chapter!
Hey, back to review ch. 2 and I really did liked this chapter. I thought you did a great job with the narration from Cera's perspective and how she suddenly slipped away. Then, I liked how it was her mother she heard calling her, along with her mother's shadow that she started running toward that only got further until it was no longer there. You did a great job with keeping up the suspense in this chapter and I am most definitely hooked after reading this chapter. It seems to get better the more you read. :) Over all, great job. 10/10
Awe, thanks Leslie. I'm really glad you like the second chapter. I hope the suspence remains throughout the novel, because there should be a lot! lol
Thanks for the review, I'm really glad you liked this, it means a lot.
Another great chapter; it was well paced and I like how you've described the plane of Hell that she was on and how different it was from what she had imagined Hell would be like. I'm curious what the other planes are like now that we, the readers, know of two of them. I'm also curious as to how this Dr. Cromwell can help. Over all, great job with this chapter. 10/10
I'm not sure the other Planes of Hell ever come into the novel to be honest. I think they are only mentioned in passing but Cera never ventures there. It may actualy end up being part of the sequel. Haha, you'll have to wait and see about Cromwell, I won't give anything away in terms of her. Thanks for the review!
I really liked this chapter, especially the fact that Cera discovered that not only can she travel through the Planes of Hell, but that she can call upon Astaroth in her own dream world whenever she so chooses. I also liked how you're slowly easing her into her role as a Demon Princess. She still can't get over the fact Demons don't have morals, but she did feel better once she had punished Astaroth before taking mercy on him. Over all, great chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more. Great job! 10/10
As you are well aware, there is lots to come that's already prewritten. I'm so glad you like Cera and how she's slowly accepting that she's not human. A her struggle with morality is a huge part of this novel regardless of how others look at things. I'm also glad you really liked this chapter.
Moragon didn't know moving to NYC would lead to this...
Teddy didn't know meeting his father would mean running for his life...
This was definitely different, but a good kind of different as it intrigues me where you're planning on taking this story off to. I have the same critic I had on the prologue, which is there were a few typos here and there. Over all, though, I think the suspense and plot is shaping out nicely. You have a nice balance between dialogue and description, too. Keep writing!
Hi, there, living.free from TGS here to review as requested! Sorry for the wait, by the way, RL has been busy.
I really like the opening of this story, it's very suspenseful, but does its job of really pulling in the reader, at least it did for me. The only criticism I have to add to the table is that there were a few typos that I passed over while reading. My suggestion would be to find a beta (there's a beta section in the help wanted sub-forum on TGS) who can help proofread your chapters for you and it'll help you to improve and learn more about the common mistakes you make as a writer so that you can find them yourself eventually. Over all, though, this is a good start.
I'll certainly get a beta :) Thanks for the reivew, and I'm sorry it's taken so long to get the responce to you. It's probably bad that I had actually forgtten that I had posted this story here. I'm glad you thought it was good and thank you so much for the review :)