Typo time again: "She grinned and them and" smould be . . 'grinned AT them' , huh?
I ADORE THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T STOP! I WANT TO READ YOUR VERSION OF EVERY BLOODY YEAR THAT ELLE IS AT HOGWARTS!
And I know, that as you have already established your AU so firmly, that the ending will be the same ( Elle -1 Voldemort - 0 ) but HOPEFULLy we won't see our favorites getting knocked off with the same willful abandon that JKR showed in #7! ( Fred, Tonks, Dobby, etc,)
Will keep this story on my watch list, waiting for updates!
Am also going to recommend it to everyone!
Love it! Love it! Love it!
HE!HE!HE!
I told you so!
HAA!HA!HA!
That was a good recounting of the whole mirror bit, too back it was broken.
Okay, let's see if 'Daddy' grounds her for pulling such a stunt!
HE!HE!HE!
tyPO ALERT! "she was curios as to what it looked like." CURIOUS.
Great chapter, loved how you worked out how to get Elle and Draco into the Forest!
Well, I can see what you've got planned; she'll take Cedric and Neville with her, Neville to get them past the Devil's Snare and Cedric to snatch the flying key!
Only way to see if I'm right?
ONWARD! ( but later tonight, I've got patients coming, as my lunch break is over. Oh well, these things happen.
HE!HE!HE!
Here I go again:
"That girl had warmed her way into his heart step by step", don't you mean 'WORMED her way'?
&
"That girl made more and more if his masks fall" just a typo : 'more OF his masks'
Well, the scene is set for the big "confession" bit later, I suppose, unless you plan to change that bit . . . I mean where he has to tell Elle that he was the one to tell Voldemort "the Prophesy" or part of, that he (Severus) overheard, that led to Lily and James' deaths. Or are you going to let Peter take the blame for that?
We'll see.
ONWARD!
HE!HE!HE!
What a WONDERFUL Christmas scene, after all of those years with the Dursleys! The gifts were just right for each person and the added "charmed" gifs from Cedric and Blaise are sure to figure into this story later.
I like that Mooney was the guardian of Elle's parents' stuff and that he will be part of her life BEFORE 3rd year.
Great plot, sooo . . .
ONWARD!
HE!HE!HE!
Oh, boy, now the trouble begins!
So, Albus DIDN'T know . . . . well, what the bloody hell are they gonna do?
Better read on to find out, huh?
ONWARD!
HE!HE!HE!
Okay, here comes the grammer/spelling nazi:
"telling her to who should she take the letter." should be: 'to WHOM she should take the letter'.
&
"who regained some piece in the whole room" should be : 'some PEACE in the whole room'.
BESIDES those two oops, the chapter was wonderful. I like how Severus FINALLY gave her a hug and it's really starting to pick up steam, now isn't it?!?!
ONWARD!
HE!HE!HE!
Ooooo, I like how your twisting the story to fit and how it's flowing so smoothly. Good job.
And nice way to et Cedric into it, too.
ONWARD!
HE!HE!HE!
I like that she's helping Neville, as EVERYONE underestimates the poor lad.
Hermione SHOULD be miffed, with a little competition . . it's good for her.
How odd would it bee if "the trio" was 2 girls and 1 boy instead of the canon version.
I'm glad you're not using that route through your story. This is much more interesting.
ONWARD!
HE!HE!HE!
Ravenclaw? RAVENCLAW?
Now THAT'S interesting. And she has taken, well, not a dislike, to Hermione, but she thinks she's a geek! HA!HA!
I like that she met the twins and Neville first, and NOT Hermione and Ron.
In your description of Quirrell you said "there was a young man she never saw again" I think you meant "she had never seen BEFORE". You might want to check that passage, as it is a bit of a jog when reading.
Otherwise, splendid.
I'd read more, and will later, but "Dancing with the Stars" is coming on . . . I'll be back
HE!HE!HE!
I don't blame her for not liking Sybil Trelawney.
Trelawney is said to be Seer.
In her crystal ball she does peer.
Is she truly a fraud?
Or a ditzy old broad?
“Was it something I said, my dear?”
And Quirrell . . . well he's just weird, period.
Well, off she goes to school!
ONWARD!
HE!HE!HE!
Good of Severus to expalin everything to her without injecting his own feelings. What if he'd done that with Harry? It would have made things SO much simplier, but also would have messed up JKR's WHOLE sotry.
HE!HE!HE!
Okay, off we go to Dinner.
Whoa! Merlin's wand? Bet THAT cost a pile of Galleons! Of course, Olivander wouldn't have sold it to just anyone!
I'm allergic ro cats, so I wish her well, but I'll remain a Hedwig fan, thank you!
I'd say ONWARD, but I have to go make dinner . . . will be back in a bit!
HE!HE!HE!
Severus is really handling this fragile ( psycologically speaking ) child quite well.
This is a short review, as I want to get to Diagon Alley, too!
ONWARD!
HE!HE!HE!
Pink and white . . . in not only Slytherin territiry but connected to Severus' rooms?
That's the funniest thing I read in a LONG time!
HE!HE!HE!HE!HE!HE!HE!HE!HE! ( giggle fit )
Well, Arielle sure is learning on the fly, isn't she? Wait until she sees a broomstick! Get it? Fly - broomstick?
NEVER MIND!
ONWARD!
HE!HE!HE!
AH, now we get to the 'different' version of the story.
Severus can be such an unobservant bonehead, to say nothing of his capacity of misguided feelings toward Lily's daughter - who must be even more painful to look at that Harry.
So, straight to Hogwarts?!. This is going to get better and better, I can just tell, following the 'story' but just on the fringes of reality.
Oh, Lord, does Sanpe have to take her to Diagon Alley? Won't THAT be a treat?!?!
ONWARD!
HE!HE!HE!
Vernon Dursely deserves to be hung up by his . . . . but obviously he doesn't have any . . . used them up on Dudley! Beating a 10 year old child! nd isn't it strange, although maybe it's because you're describing it more graphicly, that it sounds so much worse for a little girl to be mistreated than for Harry, a boy of the same age?
Okay, here comes the good bit!
ONWARD!
HE!HE!HE!
Come to think of it, that DOES leave Neville out of the equation, doesn't it? Doesn't make him any the less dangerous as a wizard ( or brave - as proved in DH ).
THIS is going to be fun to read . . . . so
ONWARD!
HE!HE!HE!
Also, I think it is unlikely that the Dursleys, obsessed with cleaning as they are, would forbid Arielle from washing her hair and they were never so overtly physically abusive in the books.
The idea is interesting though. All I would suggest is to show us her emotions more and to change the details a little as to make it something other than book 1.
Author's Response: Don't worry. While the story still keeps some canon features such as the troll, voldemort and the philosopher's stone, it's quite different from the canon one. XD For one, there is no golden trio! But I won't divulge more - the story should be up and completed soon. Thanks for the review! XD I love receiving them!
Disclaimer: This site is a place to host Harry Potter Fan Fiction, The Vampire Diaries Fan Fiction, Twilight Fan Fiction, Original Fiction, Original Poetry, Drabbles and RPG (Role Playing Game) Fan Fiction. This is a not for profit site and is in no way connected to or endorsed by J. K. Rowling, Scholastic Books, Bloomsbury Publishing, Hachette Book Group USA, Summit Entertainment or Warner Brothers. All Twilight Characters/places/settings are copyrighted to Stephenie Meyer. The Vampire Diaries Books and characters/places therein are the property of L.J. Smith and HarperCollins. The Vampire Diaries TV Series is copyright to the CW Network and Alloy. The Dresden Files/Codex Alera is copyright Jim Butcher. These stories are licensed under the Creative Commons as derivative, noncommercial fiction. All other works of Fan Fiction are copyright to the original creators and no copyright infringement is intended. The original characters and plots are the property of the author and may not be borrowed or copied without permission. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. TOS, Submission Rules, etc., are property of site admin. Gluttony has been open since 14/02/08.
Bad Behaviour has blocked access attempts in the last 7 days.