Gluttony: Fanfiction :: Indulge Yourself!

Name: Bella_Portia (Signed) · Date: 26/12/2008 09:56 pm · Chapter: Chapter 1

This was a really charming little one-shot. The dialogue was natural and to the point. It was a bit different that it was Ron experiencing, so explicitly, the beginnings of the empty nest syndrome, already imagining his little girl married off and she only 11. All 3 aspects -- Ron's inner monologue, the scenes with Hermione and the scene with Bill -- were really well done.

Name: Eyriana (Signed) · Date: 15/09/2008 01:33 am · Chapter: Chapter 1

Aww, this is just adorable! I love the way you use a lot of dialogue and little description - it makes the story move quickly and it's very easy to read. The way Ron's reacting to the fact that Rose is leaving seems very realistic to me - and some of what he says is just SO funny :D I love his conversation with Bill, too. A great little story!

Blaire

Name: Georgia Weasley (Signed) · Date: 05/09/2008 04:26 am · Chapter: Chapter 1

This is hilarious-"“Yeah well, there is a force worse than Voldemort at Hogwarts. Do you know what that is?” When Hermione looked at him blankly, he answered for her. “HORMONES.”
I adored the reaction Ron had. It seems he's transferred his overprotective nature from Ginny to Rose, and it's intensified. The conversation with Bill is fantastic, especially the remarks about shoes and books that have been packed. This is very real, and each character stays the character we know and love. Just a little older. Beautiful story. I have 4 girls, and my husband and I both could identify with this so well.

Name: ginwannabe (Signed) · Date: 02/09/2008 04:34 am · Chapter: Chapter 1

This was a lovely insight into what a father might feel before sending their child off to school. It's a bit bittersweet for me, because I'm sending my baby off to Kindergarten in the morning (waaaaah!). I think you captured the torn feelings parents feel very well.

I would like to see a little less dialogue and a little more description though... or maybe just some more descriptions because the dialogue was really quite good, it just seemed to dominate the story. I did particularly enjoy the banter between Bill & Ron.

I really enjoyed this story!

Author's Response: Thank you Ginwannabe. My dad has a video of my first stay of school, where my mother bawled her eyes out, and the night before I left to go away to university he made us watch it. Children growing up is so hard for parents. I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow and remember you're still your child's hero and nothing will ever replace your love. As for the story, I have always had a problem with too much dialogue and not enough description. I think I'd be better at scriptwriting than writing a book, simply because I seem to tell a story through conversations. Its always been the problem with my writing. The only time I seem to be able to use description is when a character is by themselves with no one to talk to. :) Thank you for the review. I really appreciate it and I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

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