Gluttony: Fanfiction :: Indulge Yourself!

Name: Bella_Portia (Signed) · Date: 28/11/2008 01:16 am · Chapter: Plunging into the Wizard World

I enjoyed this trip down Diagon Alley (one of my favorite places) very much. The visit to Mr. Tacitus' shop was extremely well done -- very imaginative and quite logical, they way they figured he'd need a Phoenix wand.
Nice chapter!

Name: Bella_Portia (Signed) · Date: 28/11/2008 01:06 am · Chapter: The Phoenix Emerges

A great beginning. Totally drew me in.
The details, the characterizations (particularly Vernon) were very well done. The point where Petunia intercedes and allows David to continue -- very nice character touch.
And the description of the dream, the owl, the details -- gave a sense that this was all real and believable.

Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 04/11/2008 06:12 am · Chapter: Boys

Hermione, my dear, truer words were never spoken.

Found one oops: “I take it your Bill?” should be "I take it you're Bill?"

Okay, dumb ? from Mom-mom . . . what's Halo?

Will wait for updates, as this is just picking up speed and I can't WAIT to see what Draco thinks of Dave!

HE!HE!HE!

Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 04/11/2008 06:00 am · Chapter: The Trio

Won-won! HYSTERICAL!

Dave's a quick learner, but they better teach him the 'not so fun' stuff. TIme for a reality chaeck.

ONWARD!

HE!HE!HE!

Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 04/11/2008 05:52 am · Chapter: The Phoenix is Born

Aside from the fact that you've lost all of your spacing ,etc, it was a fascinating chapter.

Now, if Dave can learn some control, he'll do well. Hopefully. We'll see.

ONWARD!

HE!HE!HE!

Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 04/11/2008 05:46 am · Chapter: Muggle Mothers

Me, again . . . sod sleeping; this story is too good to stop and I'm halfway thru, anyway!

Dave's mum took the news fairly well, considering,, but how about his dad? And wait until he gets to The Burrow!

ONWARD!

HE!HE!HE!

Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 04/11/2008 05:36 am · Chapter: Plunging into the Wizard World

Couldn't resist another chapter, but caught a mistake . . . no-one 'Apparated' INTO Harry's house, he and Dave 'Apparated' OUT!

Interesting bit about the wands, too. So, I suppose Mr. Weasley will go with Harry to Dave's house and explain about Hogwarts to his parents . . . . seems the logical thing to do . . . . just don't take Fred and George!

HE!HE!HE!

Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 04/11/2008 05:23 am · Chapter: The Phoenix Emerges

Okay, you have my attention. This sounds like the start of a really cool story and I'm VERY tempted to read more, but . .

Unfortunately, it's really late and I have to get up early tomorrow.

So, I'll get back to it at lunch. Promise!

HE!HE!HE!

Name: Georgia Weasley (Signed) · Date: 26/09/2008 07:59 pm · Chapter: The Phoenix Emerges

I just validated this, and now I had to come and leave a review. This is really an interesting and original beginning. You write Dave's anxiety and the reaction of Vernon so well, and I loved Dudley cowering suddenly in front of a boy he used to lead around school. I am very interested to read more of this story! Well done!

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