Gluttony: Fanfiction :: Indulge Yourself!

Reviews For Gluttony's Christmas Competition 2008

Name: ginwannabe (Signed) · Date: 24/12/2008 10:59 pm · Chapter: The Greatest Gift by potterverse

Oh... this is just lovely! I love that Luna acts as if there is nothing at all odd with Neville's parents, and that he stands up to his grandmother. Luna is spot on, and you wrote Neville very well, too. I love it!

Name: Bella_Portia (Signed) · Date: 21/12/2008 12:30 am · Chapter: One of Our Own by BKL8008

I found this story exceptionally moving. The beginning action sequence was very well-done and exciting; it kept me reading. The one thing that was a but unexpected was the way the story shifted focus, from the action and revenge, to a very emotional story about Scorpius's sense of his place. It would be interesting, at some point, to expand upon it, so that the "Draco" part of the story -- which was really very intriguing: what was he doing out there -- can be fully told.

Author's Response: Thank you, Bella.
I actually did some research with a "train guru" on what happens when a steam engine has a "warp core breach", so to say, and he figures that a breach in the right place would do just that.

As for your idea on continuation, I had started on that. This story idea sprang from the one-shot "Dust" (M), posted here at Gluttony and at HPFF, and I started a sequel called "Reality is Bleeding". It was following the same plot that someone wants Scorpius dead for reason unknown. I pulled it, though, because I didn't really like it 'as was' and after about 200 hits, no one even bothered to say "this sucks". I figured it must have been a real loser. I may come back to it someday, once I'm done with my Teddy-Werewolf story.

Thanks again! ~ BKL8008

Name: Bella_Portia (Signed) · Date: 20/12/2008 10:35 pm · Chapter: Journey to the North Pole by Horcrux Stealer

I began thinking this was a silly Christmas story, and then I was completely drawn into the bizarre, Christmassy, suspended-disbelief of that dream, the reindeer, Santa's workshop (I liked the elves singsonging in unison). I ended up liking this story very much indeed. As a sort of Christmas-transformation story, with Draco as the transformee, it works really nicely.

Name: ginwannabe (Signed) · Date: 18/12/2008 04:29 am · Chapter: Reverie by pookha

Awwww... that was so sweet! Really well thought out and I think it shows Luna off quite nicely. Shows how she's still quirky, yet has grown and matured. Really beautiful!

Name: ginwannabe (Signed) · Date: 17/12/2008 02:52 am · Chapter: Journey to the North Pole by Horcrux Stealer

That was a sweet story... reminded me of The Santa Clause, lol. And I loved that you spelled the elf's name Katy... I'm kind of partial to that ;o).

Name: ginwannabe (Signed) · Date: 16/12/2008 02:45 am · Chapter: Journal Notes - By Holly Ilex

I really liked the journal format. And I think you captured Hermione quite well. It was nice getting glimpses of that first holiday season after the war from her perspective. Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I couldn't see Hermione NOT being a journal writer, so these were her thoughts as the days went by. ~ Holly Ilex

Name: ginwannabe (Signed) · Date: 16/12/2008 02:20 am · Chapter: It’s a Wonderful Life by Georgia Weasley

Wow... that's the only word I can come up with to describe this... just... wow. That was really brilliant!

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I really wanted to explore the 'missing' Christmas from DH, and what could have sent Ron searching for them after the falling out he and Harry had. I think Ron always felt left out a bit, and seeing the role he played in the big picture helped. I appreciate your review so much! ~ Georgia Weasley

Name: Horcrux Stealer (Signed) · Date: 14/12/2008 08:51 am · Chapter: Reverie by pookha

Ooooh, that's such a precious gift. It's a nicely written piece and I enjoyed it, especially Luna's curiosity towards the present. I could relate with her. I'm sure we all do. lol.

Name: Horcrux Stealer (Signed) · Date: 14/12/2008 08:43 am · Chapter: Journey to the North Pole by Horcrux Stealer

Wow, that was a cute little story. In the beginning, Draco was his usual pompous self but he mellowed in the end. And Scorpius is such a darling. I wish I could meet Santa, too. :D

Name: Horcrux Stealer (Signed) · Date: 14/12/2008 08:19 am · Chapter: Journal Notes - By Holly Ilex

Aw, that's so sweet. It covered the 12 days of Christmas. I enjoyed reading the present exchange and the proposals. The Malfoys bit brought a smile to my face. I'd've been cool if it happened in canon too. *sighs* Oh well, good job.

Author's Response: Gee, I never thought about it being the 12 days of Christmas . . . Cool! Thanks for the review! ~ Holly Ilex

Name: Horcrux Stealer (Signed) · Date: 14/12/2008 08:01 am · Chapter: It’s a Wonderful Life by Georgia Weasley

I think I've read this kinda story before but the author never completed it.lol. Anyway, I love you for writing such a beautiful story. My favourite Harry Potter character has always been Ron and after reading this story, I realized (again) why I like him so much. You portrayed his emotions very well throughout this fic. People consider him to be a sidekick, a nobody really, some people even think he's a moron to behave in the way that he does. But they fail to notice that without him there would be no Harry and Hermione. Without him, there would be no victory. And it was nice to read what I've been feeling since the time I knew that there were some people who actually hated Ron. :o Great job. It was kinda angsty but still a very good read.

Author's Response: Angst is my middle name. Does that say something about my personality? Anyway, thanks for the review. I think Ron is ALWAYS undervalued as a character in fanfic. He didn't place a lot of value on himself in the story, either. He lived in a large shadow, being the last of six boys and the best friend of the famous Harry Potter. I think he would have had to have seen something to send him back to Harry and Hermione after deserting them. I love Ron, too. He is a much more complex character than most give him credit for. ~ Georgia Weasley

Name: Georgia Weasley (Signed) · Date: 14/12/2008 05:51 am · Chapter: The Greatest Gift by potterverse

Luna is perfection. So many people mess up her characterization and make her either too normal or too crazy. Here, she is just Luna. Odd, yet very sweet and wise. She has a knack for stating the truth and the obvious that most people find awkward, but Neville's whole life is awkward. I always liked the idea of this ship. I know Jk said Luna would scare the pants off of Neville, but I think after the battle he would have a lot more confidence. He even stood up to his Gran! What more can I say? This is just lovely.

Name: pookha (Signed) · Date: 13/12/2008 10:47 pm · Chapter: The Greatest Gift by potterverse

So very Luna, giving strange gifts to the children, but then making up for it with books and a sunny disposition. The sick kids could use that sunny disposition more than even the material gifts.

Luna always seemed to me to have the ability to really see what was bothering someone, a sort of strange insight. I could clearly picture her trying to help Neville and his parents. Trying to convince Neville that everything would be okay. Extending the hand of friendship and trust.

We can also see the changes in Neville beginning here. Always a Gryffindor, now he's learning to express it.

Beautiful and heart-warming.

Name: pookha (Signed) · Date: 13/12/2008 10:44 pm · Chapter: One of Our Own by BKL8008

I really liked the Christmas dynamic in this story the best of all of the stories in the contest. I thought the inclusion of Scorpius into the Weasly family Christmas was not only brilliant, but also brilliantly written as well. All of the characters shine with IC'ness and nobody strikes a false note at all.

I could see clearly an angry Harry and Ron allowing Draco and Lucius to do what needed to be done and covering it up. A very mature and otherwise dark counterpoint to the sweet story and it adds an element of truth to the story--there's always sadness and death, even at Christmastime.

If I had one small quibble, it would be that in the Scorpius/Rose/Albus they seem a little bit too adult in their relationship for 11 year olds. Some of that could be attributed to the Hell their parents had to go through and the bonding that would cause, but it just seemed a bit too much like adult love and not childhood crush/friendship.

Author's Response: Thank you, pookha.
I'm glad you feel I did a good job with the characters.

In characterizing the kids, I based Rose on a childhood girlfriend of mine, let's call her Miss Vicki. If you thought Hermione was bossy in the films and books, you never met Miss Vicki! She WAS the one to grab you and drag you off, whether you wanted to go or not! Perhaps a bad choice?! ~ BKL8008

Name: pookha (Signed) · Date: 13/12/2008 10:37 pm · Chapter: Journal Notes - By Holly Ilex

I enjoyed all of this story except for the island trip. That part seemed just a little forced to me. I don't picture Lucius as being someone who is capable of being honestly contrite.

I truly enjoyed reading about the engagements and the gift exchanges. Very sweet and fluffy.

Author's Response: I agree about the "it seemed forced" bit, but I saw Lucius as someone, who, after being saved from Azkaban by Harry and the fact that he HADN'T lost everything ( wife, son and family fortune), had spent MONTHS re-thinking his life. He's staying out of England for a bit, regrouping and here's a chance to show some of the most important people in the wizarding world ( outside of the Ministry ) that he HAS indeed changed. . . also his apology to Hermione WAS sincere. I hope it wasn't TOO fluffy . . I HATE fluffy. Sweet, okay I'll admit sweet, but Fluffy . . ugh! HE!HE!HE! ~ Holly Ilex

Name: pookha (Signed) · Date: 13/12/2008 10:34 pm · Chapter: It’s a Wonderful Life by Georgia Weasley

I really enjoyed this story, even though I don't care for "Wonderful Life" the movie. I liked the darker way this was done rather than the soppy movie.

It's interesting to me that so many of the stories here are about memories or dreams/visions.

I think this version of Ron is very well done, it could fill in a canonical blank. I don't necessarily think that Dobby could have done this with his magic, as I have a quite different view of house-elf magic, but the writing is impeccable and it makes it easy for me to gloss over the one thing I had trouble with.

Very well done.

Author's Response: You are not the only one that doesn't like that movie! I find that so hard to believe. I mean, what's not to love about George Bailey? But on to the real topic, thanks so much for the review. I really wanted to fill in that missing blank, if only for myself. I think Ron is always given the short end of the stick in fanfic, and he really played a vital part in the victory over Voldemort. He was Harry's anchor to a world that could be. The world where families stayed together, parents loved their children, and home was a safe place where people believe in you. Wihtout him, Harry would never have even known those things existed. It would have been much easier to beat him, as he would not have had such a strong reason to fight. I know your position on elf magic is a bit different than mine, and to tell you the truth, I just couldn't find a better character for the "Clarence" role. I had to fudge a bit with Dobby's powers. I know how different their magic is than that of wizards, but I don't know that they are that powerful. But hey, whatever works, you know? Thanks again for such a great review. ~ Georgia Weasley

Name: potterverse (Signed) · Date: 13/12/2008 09:41 pm · Chapter: Reverie by pookha

What a lovely story, about a very undeveloped couple. I really like how you portray Luna and her husband. I don't usually like first person narrative, but you did a very good job. I'm a huge Luna fan. Well, done.

Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 13/12/2008 06:00 pm · Chapter: One of Our Own by BKL8008

Apparently, someone (other than Ron!) wants Scorpius Malfoy dead. The hints like Ron's ears being pink are a good build up to a Malfoy's worst nightmare - confined to a small space with the whole of the Weasley Clan! Perhaps a bit over the top in the "Wyatt_Earp!Draco" department...

Author's Response: Yeah, OK, I confess - I was reviewing the entries when I read them, and giving my honest opinions of them. Then I realized, they're going to know which one was mine if I DON'T review that one! A Slytherinish trick to pull, as someone who shall remain nameless pointed out to me! But hey, what was I supposed to do? Not that all the violence didn't give me away, anyway...

And what do snakes travel in? A herd, flock, swarm, school, gaggle, other???

Name: JLHufflepuff (Signed) · Date: 13/12/2008 04:42 pm · Chapter: Journey to the North Pole by Horcrux Stealer

This is a really cute and fun Christmas tale! :)

Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 13/12/2008 06:29 am · Chapter: The Greatest Gift by potterverse

That's my boy!

Luna is such an endearingly excentric character that, like Neville, you just accept her behavior and fall into step with her, like she's a slightly demented Pied Piper.

I believe, too, that on some level, Alice and Frank are aware of their surroundings but can't break through and have sort of come to terms with their life, such as it is. Pity.

Lovely little story. Too bad Neville and Luna didin't wind up together in JKR's world, as they seem natural together.

Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 13/12/2008 04:35 am · Chapter: The Greatest Gift by potterverse

This is so Luna-like, passing out gifts to sick kids in the hospital. Very touching. I was always disappointed that Neville and Luna never got together in canon, much preferring a fanfic like this one. Nice.

Name: JLHufflepuff (Signed) · Date: 13/12/2008 04:33 am · Chapter: Journal Notes - By Holly Ilex

This really feels like Hermione's diary. I like you view of what has happened since the war, and I think most of it is realistic. I love the part about the Chudley Canons for Ron and about the group of vacationers running into the Malfoys on their exotic vacation. I'm not sure I fully buy everyone being so gracious to each other at this point, but I do think that you're describing could've happened eventually. This is a good read! :)

Author's Response: Well, as I said in my reply to pookha; it's been 6 months and a LOT of talking and rethinking and new understanding has taken place. The Chudley Canon bit was every sports fans dream - lifetime pass! HE!HE!HE! Thanks so much for the review! ~ Holly Ilex

Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 12/12/2008 09:32 pm · Chapter: Journal Notes - By Holly Ilex

Leave it to Hermione to write a journal!
Interesting look into her thoughts, too.
I also had a hard time dealing with Lucius fishing, and his boat, but in the end, it worked. HE would have a boat and a resort to go to. Nice little read.

Author's Response: Hermione always thinks things TO DEATH, so a journal - instead of a Penseive - is her logical choice. Lucius was doing what all men do who are on an island in the tropics . . . get on a boat and fish . . which is a bit of a challange for him as he refuses to use magic . . it's him against the fish! Which I thought quite funny, but he'd have been very proud to bring home the 'catch of the day' for dinner and Cissa and Draco would have seen it was helping him recover his crushed self esteem.
Thanks SO much for the review. ~ Holly Ilex

Name: Georgia Weasley (Signed) · Date: 12/12/2008 09:13 pm · Chapter: One of Our Own by BKL8008

This one is going to be hard to beat. I loved the way Draco's famly has now become intertwined with the Weasley clan. And what a clan!!!! You do a fabulous job with little Scorp's emotions, and Ron's reactions. I loved those. And making him the one to erase all traces of evidence was brilliant. LOVE this one.

Author's Response: Thank you, Georgia.
As soon as I read about Ron telling Rose to beat Scorpius at everything, the light came on and the notorious "Scorose" ship immediately popped into my head. I thought, well, both sets of parents are just going to have heart failures!
As for Scorpius' emotions, well, let's just say I've had a lot of experience with the emotions of distraught little boys over the years. I'm sure any parent will know about that! ~ BKL8008

Name: gnilworkj (Signed) · Date: 12/12/2008 08:53 pm · Chapter: One of Our Own by BKL8008

I really enjoyed this story. I also liked how you gave Ron the chance to do the right thing. Rose stated earlier in the story how her father would carry a grudge to the grave if he thinks it's a righteous one. Well, I guess he realized it was time to let this grudge go. Nicely done.

I also like how you repeated the "like one of our own" theme. Harry promised Draco that's how he would be treated. It's time to let old prejudices go. The adults have learned a few things from the children. Now it's time for the adults to behave like the children in this case.

Draco and the Malfoys were kept in character. You touch my kid you pay. No other way to put it. And you had Ginny acting just like Molly in the Final Battle!!

I loved the Weasley sweater idea. What a way to show the child is an excepted member of the gang. Just like Harry was shown years earlier. And it sounds like Albus reiterated the same words Ron said to Harry 19 years earlier. Nice reflection back.

Molly is so sweet, you also seemed to reflect back to when Harry gave Molly a hug upon receiving a watch for his 17th and use the same scene for Scorpius and Molly. I really like it when similar situations in the past can be reproduced in the future. Life does tend to repeat itself doesn't it?

Author's Response: Thanks, gnilworkJ. I always appreciate the reviews.
You pointed out everything here that I wanted to stress in the story. I think the Weasleys are simply those kind of people. Of course Ron will have red ears and a pink face for a while, but eventually (maybe with his mother's prodding?!) he'll always get over it!

The ending of the story was based on one of the very few good memories of Christmas that I have. It wasn't with my family, and I'll give you one guess what the gift was that I received. ~ BKL8008

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