Gluttony: Fanfiction :: Indulge Yourself!

Name: Horcrux Stealer (Signed) · Date: 14/06/2009 04:23 am · Chapter: The Firsts of Many Firsts

I love how different Harry and Draco are in this fic. The trio matures faster in the books but in this story, Harry acts, dare I say it, like a normal teenager. I like it. And I was kinda looking forward to their first kisses, too. But I'm not too sure about the end. Draco and Nicole, to be specific. What they did was...well, just stupid and I guess, impossible. I mean, they're just thirteen year olds! I felt very uncomfortable reading it. Suffice it to say that this wasn't my favourite chapter. However, I still wanna know what happens next, so update soon, hon. *hugs*

Author's Response: I love that you loved it. I remember how crazy the boys I knew were at thirteen, and I hated that Harry got his first kiss with Cho at fifteen, I thought it was crazy. Well, maybe that's how they do it in Britian. As for Draco and Nicole, mind yu, they were wasted, and didn't have much control over their actions. Though I'm glad yu didn't like it, now, cos I would hate it more if yu loved it till the last chapter and that put a damper on how yu read the rest of the story. As for what happened, well I wanted to show that, however High and Mighty Draco will percieve himself to be, that he's still a stupid kid that makes stupid choices. I also have a big plan in store, lots of drama I'm afraid. And I'm sorry that this wasn't y/ur favorite, and I hope to make it up to yu in the future!

Name: Horcrux Stealer (Signed) · Date: 14/06/2009 03:56 am · Chapter: No One Said That It'd Be Easy

Oh My God! This chapter was absolute love, Teresa. I mean, why write soooo well! I'm totally impressed with how your mind words. This is like the Harry Potter books but yet it is SO different. I can totally understand how all this would happen if Harry chose Draco over Ron for friendship. I usually prefer a healthy amount of dialogue in a story but I don't mind that this chapter had so less dialogue. In fact, I would have it no other way. I can imagine how difficult it would've become to stretch it all into four to five chapters. I'm glad you lay it down for us short and sweet and yet to managed to mention everything. You didn't leave many details out and that's what I'm so impressed and happy about. You rock my face, Teresa! I'm off to read the next chapter :D

Author's Response: Awe. I'm so glad you loved it. I was so worried that everyone wouldn't like it, as I hated writing with 11 year olds. :D And I was worried people wouldn't take too much liking into it! You just made my day! :P

Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 11/06/2009 05:34 pm · Chapter: I Can Help You There

Other than a few typos, very interesting. I've outlined this myself several times, but just never gotten around to writing it. So far, I love it! The only thing it could have used were a few more bits, but that doesn't harm it at all.

It's nice to see one of these "Harry in Slytherin" 1st Year pieces that isn't total cliche'd garbage. I hope you can continue along these lines.

For instance, one addition, the line with Harry and humility. You might have put in "He'd had it forced down his throat all his life," or something. But just suggesting!

I'll definitely be along for the rest of the show!

9/10

Author's Response: Yes, I went back and saw that I messed up. I wrote this in the wee hours of the morning, running on empty sleep, and have yet to find a Beta for it. But, I'm getting there! I really apreaciate yur thoughts, and will try and use them with my next chapters. :) Thanks so much for the review and good rating!

Name: Horcrux Stealer (Signed) · Date: 11/06/2009 12:10 pm · Chapter: I Can Help You There

Omg, that's a wonderful beginning, Teresa! I've already told you before a dozen times, I absolutely love this plotline. It's something so original and it intrigues me. Now, I wanna know what happens next. *giggles*
There were some grammatical mistakes that I came across, but I won't waste my time listing them here since plot overpowers them all! However, I would suggest getting a beta. Beta-s are really helpful, not only with grammar and commas and stuff but with descriptions and plot, too.
Another thing that I noticed is the unwanted description of Nicole and Perdida. I know that they are going to be the important girls in Draco and Harry's lives but it was just too unreal for Harry to actually notice Perdida in a way boys usually do when they're above fourteen. THIS in no way means that I don't like your story or anything. It just means that I'm being honest and I want you to improve ^_^
I love ya for writing this, Teresa. I can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: :) Yes, I know its not the best. :D But, as I said before, it was my crack back into FF and its a start. Once I get it further, I promise it'll be loads better. I just kept writing and felt like my fingers wouldn't let me. Sometimes they have a mind of their own. And the descriptions, I know. I hated working with eleven year olds, that's why I sped it up. ^_^ Glad yu liked it! :)

You must login (register) to review.