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Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 13/10/2011 11:36 pm · Chapter: Chapter 21: Visits of Courtesy (continued)

Like the wolf bit . . . . know it will be expanded upon in coming chapters.

Holy crap!  call 911! Harry! or the wizarding equilivant!

ONWARD!!!!!!



Author's Response:

The wolf bit will be important in the coming chapters. You have been warned.

Quite a situation, isn't it? Haven't they had enough???



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 13/10/2011 11:17 pm · Chapter: Chapter 20: Visits of Courtesy

Well, that was an interesting hen party Harry landed in, wasn't it? And Fleur was right in warning him of the impending queue at the door.  Poor Harry will be beating them off with a stick  . .  or his wand! HA!HA!

We'll see how this plays out . . .quite a few humorous possibilities pop into one's mind . . . HE!HE!HE! this could be REALLY funny, but you have a tendency to interject really serious stuff right when I start to relax, which makes for a good, exciting story . . .

ONWARD!!!



Author's Response:

Which wand did you mean???

My Veela are rather one-sided, yet not all of them are making advances at our poor hero. Those who do, however, do it good, until they get their hands tied together :D:D:D

Of course, it gives room for those comical situations, but it may also turn blood serious. 



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 13/10/2011 10:52 pm · Chapter: Chapter 19: Fancy a swim?

Okay . . .  I had forgotten 2 things:

1) they still had disguise enchantments in place and

2) they were developing the hots for each other, semi against their will, but nature seems to be taking it's course ( with Bill and Ginny's blessing and supervision - if I remember correctly )

A couple of verb and pronoun boo-boos, but not bad enough to get me typing corrections . . .  I wanna keep reading!!!!!

Onward!



Author's Response:

I have to admit that I would be developing the hots for Clemence Poesy as well, were I forced to be in her proximity 24/7. She's not the Fleur I imagined, she's far from the beauty in the books, yet... Have you seen "In Bruges"? She's in there with Colin Farrell. He was developing the hots for here as well, so why shouldn't I??? HE!HE!HE!



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 18/01/2011 08:02 pm · Chapter: Chapter 18: Saying Goodbye to a Hero

Great chapter and good closure for Harry and Fleur and to some extent Bill & Ginny . . .

 Lots of minor boo-boos but you can change/fix in a minute or two of editing . . . See what happens when I don't R&R for a while . . . the grammar/spelling/puncutaion nazi in me comes roaring back to life!!! HE!HE!HE!

 silvery mane of her peacefully sleeping female companion . . . his

 two identical cupboard, . . .  cupboards

 He only nodded approvingly, but this simple gesture  . . . drop approvingly

Together, we make a chance, . . . . have  

We have to run no longer for our lives . . . We no longer have to run for our lives  OR We have to run, no longer, for our lives.  Your choice.

 even if I distaste the sound of it. . . detest   OR    even if the sound of it's distasteful

 Don't you mind if I use the bathroom first?”  You don't mind


Annoyedly scoffing, Harry cast a glare full disbelief at the young witch . . . Annoyed, Harry cast a glare of full disbelief at the young witch and scoffed,"

"For the second slimmest witch of your age, you are daft as hell,”  WTH?

what does being skinny have to do with being daft?

“May I imply upon your kindness, my Queen?”  . . . impose


the huge question mark the boy was resembling  . . the questioning look on his face

 piedestal   pedestal

 identical to Bill's one . . . drop one



Author's Response:

This is the chapter I completely missed out in teh first draft of the story. I forgot to bury Bill.

However, I found that writing a newspaper article on his funeral wouldn't fit, so I decided to have the ceremony described partly beforehand, by the Queen, partly afterwards, by Bill himself.

I must admit I was either seriously lacking coffee while I was writing or I was overloaded with caffeine, I already don't remember when it had happened, but grammar-wise it was one of my worst chapters. So many stupid typos!

As it stands now, the first part of the story has come to an end and the coming chapters will focus on "grief management" and picking up their lives again.

Million thanks for your help!!!



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 02/01/2011 07:25 am · Chapter: Chapter 17: The Veela Colony

WONDERFUL! Great dialogue and I loved the way harry put Ileana in her place.

TYPO: for a Veela she mush have been . . . must, perhaps? HE!HE!HE!

Grammar:   The one supposed to rid you all from that maniac?  use of instead . . . I forget the exact rule, but trust me, it should be of.

It's late, I'll catch up on more of your recent new chapters/other stories tomorrow.



Author's Response:

I pictured Ileana a slightly bipolar, somewhat Bellatrix-like person. She will have some more chance to cause turmoil in the next scenes. Here, she deserved what she got and I wondered why Harry went so easy on her. As you can imagine from this chapter, poor Harry will be having a really HARD time dealing with all the hungry Veela females around him and I think I'm allowed to tell you that it will lead to some HILARIOUS confrontations.

I have found a nice photo I could use for Ileana in a chapter image, I just need some time to Photoshop it a little.

As for the continuation, I have about 8 chapters to upload. I was just about to upload the next one when I realized that I completely missed out on a pivotal moment which MUST have been included in chapter 18, in the one to follow next, so I started writing it. Halfway into the chapter, I got a serious block and I simply don't know how to proceed. Moreover, I had to slightly rewrite the next 5-6 chapters as well to adjust them better into the changed timeline. I don't know when I will be able to upload the next one, so please be patient with me.

Thanks for the wonderful Xmas present! I already forgot the meaning of the word "review" so I had to look it up at dictionary.com :D:D:D



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 02/01/2011 07:08 am · Chapter: Chapter 16: The Road Ends Here

Oh goodie, we're back in the race . . .  and it seems Harry & Fleur have won . . . for they've made it to safety . . . . I think  . . .  willhave to read the next chapter and find out!

Only one boo-boo:  the gracious movements of a feline  I think you meant graceful

ONWARD!!!!!!!!

I'm baaccckkkk! HE!HE!HE!



Author's Response:

Wellcome back, fair lady! My poor stories and their poor author were sorely missing Your Nitpickyness :D:D:D

The end of the road, so it seems, and they indeed reached the safe refuge, as it will turn out in the next chapter. As you've already read that one, I don't think that's any news to you :D

Of course, it's graceful. Stupid me. Let me just replace it in an instant.

ONWARD!



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 04/09/2010 10:51 pm · Chapter: Chapter 15: Speak of the Devil

Well, it was worth the wait, THAT'S for sure!

I'd forgotten about the timeframe for the story and how awful it was in that country back then . . . that schmuck ( nicest word I could use ) of a dictator got what he deserved . . . paybacks being what they are!

And I'm glad to see that, even if only in their dreams, everyone will still be able to reunite . . . wish MY dreams were as good . . HE!HE!HE!!

A couple of boo-boos, but I'll e-mail you about those . . . anyting else for us???? Huh, huh!



Author's Response:

I usually try to expand my stories with RL facts and do quite a lot of research to get all those tidbits correct.

We are moving towards the end of the first part of the story and with God's help they will reach the Veela colony pretty soon. Those dream sequences... well... they serve their purpose, but remember what Bill said. One can't always live in his dreams.

I'll try to get the next chapter ready by end of today so that I could put it up for validation. Thanks for being awesome!



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 02/09/2010 01:43 am · Chapter: Chapter 15: Speak of the Devil

Interesting twist. I really like the whole dream-world idea. Not quite sure what it's all about yet, but I get the feeling it's going to be useful. I wonder if Harry and Fluer are going to fall for one another, though? Thanks for the update.



Author's Response:

Hi BKL8008,

The dream-world idea is part of my "Shadowlands" world (see the first three eponymous story for Luna's explanation about the Three Planes).

As for your question, well, Bill said the words. If this happens, though, it won't happen overnight; both are grieving for their beloved and it's not very probable that they would land in bed together any time soon.

Thanks for your continued support. It really means a lot, and, seeing that I'm writing the next chapter as we "speak", it does inspire me as well!

Take care,

Zoltan



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 05/05/2010 07:50 pm · Chapter: Chapter 14: First Step into a New World

 

ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!! One of my favorite things to do . . I told you about my 1,006 miles 3 day scurry around MD last month, so this chapter was right up my alley!

ANYHOW . . . Fleur and Harry are off and running with their new friend Mihai, and I think they've managed to shake the "authorities" . . .I'd forgotten about the politics of that area, in the time frame of this story, so Muggles could be as much trouble as Baldies' baddies  . . . we'll see.

Okay it's that time again, boys and girls . . BOO-BOOville!

that they perfectly knew they were being followed   they knew perfectly well that they were being followed

showing the bank, their shadow truthfully tailing themfaithfully following

A few minutes later they were already outside the building  drop already

For the causal observer   TYPO casual

 

causing him to fly into the opposite tiled wand as a rag-doll. ???     wall

Another good chapter of the contiuing adventures of Harry and Fleur!   Tune in next week, funseekers, for another segment of this thrilling story  . . . . brought to you by Zoltan, that handsome Hungarian fellow!

HE!HE!HE!

 



Author's Response:

Smeagol loves a good road trip, right, my precioussss? And it's not over yet!

Those years were no fun anywhere behind the iron curtain. Romania was an extremity, however, a true follower of the Stalin-type "communism". Every bit and piece here is historically true.

If you read this chapter carefully, you must have gotten some hints about Mihai's roots. Have you?



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 26/04/2010 03:53 am · Chapter: Chapter 13: Strawberries, cherries...

HEY! It was 1967, I was 18 years old, and he was considered HOT!  My taste in men ( ERIC! SAM! ) has improved/changed and by the way . . . I don't like mustaches any more - well not as much . . . depends on the guy . . .  I'll let it go at that!

HE!HE!HE!



Author's Response:

OK, I'll let it go at that :D WHAT? Eric? Sam? You must be KIDDING!!! Well, Sam is OK, more or less...

Those big mustaches WERE the symbol of Flower Power, among others. Mine are smaller.



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 24/04/2010 01:22 am · Chapter: Chapter 13: Strawberries, cherries...

The absolutely frightening and sadly true thing is, I remember that song from when I was in high school . . . never did like Nancy Sinatra but thought Lee Greenwood was a looker . . HE!HE!HE!

Anyway, they're off and running toward their future and all of the adventures that is sure to hold, under your guidance. 

So . . .let's have it!!!!!!  NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!!

Boo-boo time;  again, minor grammar ones - if I had English as - what - my 3rd or 4th language, I'd have little bits slightly off center, too - besides, it sharpens MY english skills catching them!

 

the images of her beautiful companion  I think you meant his

None of them deepened it,    there's only 2 people so . .   neither of them

on contrary to the horrors     drop on

"How come you know this song   Fleur, a properly brought up young French woman saying "how come"?  the horror!  How do you know or how did you come to know

to wear one of these    drop  one of  or change it to  any of her

As usual, a great little chapter, am waiting patiently for more . . . is it posted yet ??  . . now ?  . .  oh well . . I'll check back later.

HE!HE!HE!



Author's Response:

Come on, with that effing mustache a looker? EWH! I thought you had a better taste :D And to think that I have a mustache as well LOL

Lee has an interesting voice BTW, but, as I put in the A/N, I loved that other cover more. The song, however, is an instant classic, no matter who sings it and it just prompted this chapter to be written. A little chapter where nothing happens, really, just a moment of magnetism.

I simply loves my grammar/spelling/punctuation Nazi Mom :D Thanks for being so awesome!

Of course it was "his" and not "her". Damn typo. Missing out on "neither" is stupid, I AM aware of it's usage, I was just simply typing too fast, without thinking. I never ever suspected that "how come" was THAT colloquial, though.

The next chapter won't be posted for the coming few days, I want to get the next chapter of Shadowlands right first. I haven't updated that story too long and it's high time I did.



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 21/04/2010 05:10 pm · Chapter: Chapter 12: Good Night, Good Night

I was not criticizing Fleur, as you have her delicating balancing between teasing/flirting and mothering Harry.

And the events I was talking of for the future are when Baldie Voldie starts hunting them and the real action starts . . .don't drag the set-up out too long, but I know you have plans to introduce us to aFleur's world first . . .so I'll be right here waiting!



Author's Response:

I didn't say you were criticizing :D Fleur is not even teasing/flirting. She's just more mature and more comfortable with ... certain things. Just as she said, she was not planning to hit on Harry any time soon.

The encounter with Baldyfart will NOT be around the end of the story. In fact, that encounter will be where the REAL story starts... 



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 20/04/2010 08:47 pm · Chapter: Chapter 12: Good Night, Good Night

What a darling chapter, although I know it's probablly only a short respite before the events to come . . . you provided just enough embarassment for Harry without making Fleur a right bitch, and Harry really is taking his role of protector seriously, isn't he?

Okay 3 minor boo-boos: 

 he patiently waited for the girl to finish her shower, when a sudden thought hit her.  HER? you mean him

"No, you listen to me, Harry. My husband has just died and it doesn't seem as if I'm going to trick you into my bed and rape you any time soon," the girl hissed.

"Of course, if you'd prefer, you can sleep in the bed and I can sleep on the floor."

delete the space between hissed.   and  "Of course  so it's all one paragraph, when it's split like that it's a bit confusing for a minute as to who is speaking. 

"Damn right she is," Fleur replied proudly   should be right it is because Harry is refering to the movement he's feeling, "is that her" so Fleur shouldn't be genger specific.  English101 - sorry, it really doesn't matter, but it bugged me.

This one isn't a correstion, just a silly thought:

took a two-minute shower    how about    took an cold, two-minute shower      HE!HE!HE! just kidding, I thought that scene was funny

 

Waiting for more . . .  patience, i MUST learn patience . . . HE!HE!HE!



Author's Response:

When I started writing this story, I promised two things.

1. I categorically refuse to make Fleur a bitch. She's worth more than that. She doesn't tease Harry; she's just lost her husband and is not of the type that would go a-hunting the next day after his funeral. She says it herself...

2. I won't rush things. It's a common writer cliche to solve a similar situation by putting the boy and the girl in a bed by the first possibility and create a happily ever after; here it won't work. If you meant this by "the events to come", I have to disappoint you. There will be no lemon for quite some time yet.

Fleur is a few years older than Harry, so she's more grown-up. She's, in addition, French, unlike those Britons-with-a-stiff-upper-lip (no harm intended). And yes, which healthy 18-year old boy wouldn't have been embarrassed in a situation like this?

The cold shower is indeed necessary to cool off. Thanks for your insightful thoughts!



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 10/04/2010 03:32 am · Chapter: Chapter 11: One Step Further

Another step forward in your story . . . and a bit more character study . . . and a couple of knee-jerk reactions to things, too, but they're only human (magical or not)

Okay . . boo-boo time small ones, but . . .

visum.  it's called a visa in English speaking countries

"Our wands!" he whispered in awe,   in a panic or in consternation

they're from wood.       they're made from wood

"I am in the same shoe, Harry  I am in the same boat, Harry

only 4 and that's not many, just minor ones, too, so you get a B+ in spelling/grammar for this chapter . . . HE!HE!HE!



Author's Response:

Yeah, sometimes one needs these filler chapters, however I tend to think this whole story had become ONE LONG filler LOL.

It IS more of a character study, really, which is necessary, surely after all that had happened to them. Remember, I don't want to rush things.

Thanks for the Glassex, the boo's are cleared out.



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 30/03/2010 07:29 pm · Chapter: Chapter 10: Edinburgh

 

ROAD TRIP! HE!HE!HE!

SO, there's off and running ( for their lives, unfortunatley ), but at least it's a start!  AND, now they know they are NOT alone in the world. . . . but I'm still wondering about Deirdre . . . not bad thoughts, but little HUMMMM???s

Okay s/g/p/c nazi time . . .HE!HE!HE!

dismounted their broom behind the car parking.  isn't it called a car park? in the UK?  We Yanks say parking lot, but this IS Edinburgh.

a decent flight we can step over somewhere?”  TYPO  stop over

eerily reminding Luna with her crystal blue eyes   reminding THEM OF Luna

“Mary! Sweet Jesus, Mother of Pearl!   HE!HE!HE!HE!HE!HE!

I've just recognize you.  recognized

Minor bits and one good giggle

HE!HE!HE!

ONWARD!



Author's Response:

Yeah, I shamelessly stole that particular phrase. Bad me. Mea culpa.

Deirdre is, as mentioned, a Druid. Not a battle mage, not a normal witch; their magic is slightly different, hence she doesn't advertise herself - very wisely. Nowadays there are a few people calling themselves Wicca's, claiming to be the descendants of Druids. She herself will be briefly mentioned in the next chapter, however, her last sentence in THIS chapter will be of utmost importance later. You will recognize when and where, I'm sure as hell 'bout that.

Indeed a road trip, into the unknown. They don't know how it will end; the only thing they do know where it SHOULD.

Million thanks for the nazi stuff, original corrected!



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 21/03/2010 12:56 am · Chapter: Chapter 10: Edinburgh

I liked it. A good way to escape, and well done. The Druid touch is great, and connected to Luna is even better.



Author's Response:

I'm glad to hear that! :D With this story, I deliberately try to move away from cliches and it gives me carte blanche to experiment with different angles, characters, wizarding aspects etc. It won't be the last of Luna in this story.

Even if this story has only a few hardcore followers, it gives me immense pleasure to write it. Thanks for your continued support!

If you want more of Luna Lovegood, Shadowlands is your friend.



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 17/03/2010 08:20 pm · Chapter: Chapter 9: Towards the Unknown

Sounds like a plan!  Good chapter and a nice surprise about how Fleur was taking Bill with her, so she could eventually bury him at their home.  Yeah, good idea to fly, Muggle style, probably not too many Death Eaters hanging out at regional airports on the off chance some lone wizrad would come wandering through. HE!HE!HE!

Okay, boo-boo time ( just small ones - but you know me - oicky, picky!)

should his freshly healed legs give it.  legs give out.

 “Together we make more chance to survive   we'll have a better chance

 Harry sadmiringly observed    admiringly ( typo)

Our first idea was to use the Fidelius to hide the castle on its whole. hide the whole castle 

rather awkwardly looking,    awkward ( drop the ly )

ONWARD!!!!!!!



Author's Response:

De-Booing time in the original text 3..2..1..kaBOOM! Too many of them; it needs some quality weeding.

The next chapter will be about airport(s) and a few surprises, so you have to wait a few days to see whether you were right. On a sidenote, Fleur has NO home any more. Their ancestral home had been burnt down killing her parents, it's somewhere in one of the first chapters. It's Veela-land they're heading.



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 17/03/2010 06:05 pm · Chapter: Chapter 1: The Burning

Not to clutter up the reviews, but I often use the idea presented by David Eddings on sorcery - it takes just as much out of you to do it with your magic as it does with your back! For instance, I had Jack in NM2 dislocate his shoulder because he levitated too much firewood at once. I think you did a great job on 'inventing' the spell, and the power-drain idea is just perfect. I very much like the use of the shrinking idea, and the hyperdimensional (like the Tardis in Dr. Who) transport items like Hermione's pouch in DH. Excellent touches.



Author's Response:

You know, this is precisely why I've gotten fond of the more mature GF. People here have totally different interests and ideas than the rather fangirlish HPFF, with respect to the exceptions of course. 

Also, this depth, or at least the attempt thereof is what distinguishes us, mature authors, from teeners, again, with respect to the exceptions.

I really enjoyed this interesting mini-essay on magic of yours and that idea of David Eddings is just precious! Unfortunately, the story I planned to shamelessly lift the Fidelius from has already been deleted from HPFF - me bad, I knows it - so I had to invent something, but didn't want to go into unnecessary details as to text of incantation, wave patterns et al.

Brooms are magical items, they have numerous charms on them for handling, stability, steering, acceleration, breaking etc. I just admitted that physical alterations wouldn't affect the essence of those charms. Just a somewhat uneducated guess. The pouch, the beaded bag is indeed a nice touch in an overwhelmingly lame book. Sorry, I can't help it, but I hate "Deadly Horrible" (pun intended).



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 17/03/2010 03:32 am · Chapter: Chapter 9: Towards the Unknown

Airport? Hmmm. Interesting, with the Veela colony. I can't wait to see how that turns out. I liked the description of the Fidelius Charm, too. Very good.



Author's Response: I'm moving onto dangerous waters as I will need all my imagination for the next chapters. As for the Fidelius, I was fighting with this one. I was sure I had previously read a Marauder story about casting the charm with Pettigrew as Secret Keeper and there was a pretty detailed description of the charm. To my greatest dismay the story's already been deleted. So again, I had to invent something but I didn't want to go into details. I just wanted something believable, what with magical exhaustion et al. I'm glad you liked it and I thank you for your continued support.


Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 04/03/2010 06:09 pm · Chapter: Chapter 8: Harry's Dream

Interesting, 3 Planes. I like that idea. As Holly would say, "Onward!"



Author's Response:

The mythology of this universe is thoroughly explained in my other WIP titled Shadowlands. It's a Harry/Hermione story with a hint of Harry/Luna. Some limited, ToS-compliant  erotic content and much-much angst.

Thanks for reviewing!



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 04/03/2010 07:28 am · Chapter: Chapter 8: Harry's Dream

I don't have a clue in the world where you came up with the "shadowlands/dreamscape" stuff, but it's bloody marvelous!

AND a good way for Harry to get some closure . . .hopefully Fleur will see Bill in her dreams, also.

Guess what, it's boo-boo time again ;

reoccupied her place on his laps ( it should be lap - singular )

causing him to emit   you maybe should say causing Harry, because it's a little confusing; is it Harry or Bill who yiked?!  Then make Harry's next line a new, separate paragraph. 

Wait, didn't Draco die with/next to Ron, and if so, how come he didn't show up and smart off to Harry.  Didn't he 'make it'?

This story is getting REALLY good , but I was sad about the reasoning for the lack of bodies ( and souls ) that Hermione realized . . . too bad.

ONWARD!!!



Author's Response:

I was lucky to have worked out the basics of the Shadowlands universe in the eponymous story earlier, so I just shamelessly lifted a few items from there.

This was a sad chapter, and I picked away a few tears, especially at the goodbye words. Also what you said about the lack of souls did hit an emotional string on me; it might be a tad bit weird explanation as to why those dead didn't appear in the Shadowlands but I couldn't come up with anything better.

A good read, who remembers what she reads. Draco did die together with Ron; his presence in this FAMILY scene, however, would have added nothing. Hence his absence.

I'm glad you're enjoying this bumpy ride; soon we will sail somewhat calmer waters (for a short time! HE!HE!HE!)

Oh yes, and 2 quadrillion big thankses for the Boo patrol!



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 03/03/2010 09:29 pm · Chapter: Chapter 7: The Morning After

Okay, that was a tricky subject to get around - being as how they really were almost related - but it was cute, too.

2 - count 'em - 2 boo-boos ( I let your phrasing go as it's YOUR way of saying things and I think that marks your stories a uniquely Z's )

1)  when someone's silent steps startled her . . .  ah, if they're silent, how's she hearing anything? maybe SOFT or muffled steps instead.

2)  and pulled her wand. ( he pulled HIS wand )

Another chapter . . .AND A CLIFFIE!!!!! man after my own heart!

HE!HE!HE!



Author's Response:

Surely having known you for so long has rubbed off on me :D HE!HE!HE! Cliffies are the writer's - and reader's - best mate, ain't it?

Quite right about it, Harry vs Fleur is only a TAD BIT awkward pair. Well, not really pair, but considering they have no one else left, two people is one pair, sex or not. Well, no sex, to be 100% precise. Exactly because of this: because she's a widow (well, practically both of them are), because she's a supe, a sexually charged Veela, because she's a tad bit older than Harry, this chapter was EXTREMELY hard to write. I had to show the awkwardness of them being forced together against the whole world. 

Thanks for you being so awesome, oh the holliest of all Hollies!



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 03/03/2010 05:34 am · Chapter: Chapter 7: The Morning After

A bit mushy for my tastes, but interesting.

There's only one thing that bothers me, and I had a hard time breaking myself of it as well: we only need to be reminded maybe once in a chapter that Fleur is a Veela. I used to be abusive of things like 'eye color' or 'hair color' or some of other descriptive term that the reader is, by now, familiar with.

I am still enjoying the story, though,and am anxious to see how Ginny was brought back.



Author's Response:

Yes, it was mushy, but with a reason. First of all, Fleur is a  woman and a few years older. Second, she's a supernatural being known for ... certain things. Third, Harry and Fleur have nobody else left, only the two of them, hence, they HAVE to cooperate, no matter how awkward this might be sometimes. My aim was to display some of all this awkwardness.

Don't worry, there will gore and blood, although less than in these first few chapters.

That other thing bothers me as well. I try to use quite a few terms to describe the same character: "young witch, older girl, young Veela, Fleur, she, etc etc" so that I wouldn't repeat the same words again. There is nothing what irritates me more in a story, than to read dialogs like this:

"yaddayadda," Harry asked.

"blahblahblah!" Ginny said.

"foobar," Harry said.

This just kills me and there were quite a few stories I did like I quit reading because of this. I guess if a non-native speaker like me tries his best, those natives should be able to do better.

Thanks for you continued support and constructive criticism; thanks for helping me grow as a writer.



Name: Holly Ilex (Signed) · Date: 28/02/2010 07:11 am · Chapter: Chapter 6: Aftermath

I have one problem with this otherwise good chapter . . . they didn't bury Bill in the grave with the rest of the Weasleys, but Fleur put his name on the monument - dare I hope the bury him in the morning?

A couple of tiny boo-boos:

it must have a damned good reason   . .it must be for a damned good reason

nodded Harry to to the same  . .  to do   Just a typo - happens to all of us

remainders of her sandwich  . .  remains

“How far away are you, Fleur?”  . .  .How far along are you, Fleur?

Otherwise, splendid!

ONAWRD!  HE!HE!HE!  Oops!  ONWARD!



Author's Response:

The answer to your question lies in chapter 3: “I'm not leaving you here, Bill,” she whispered, very deep in her heart knowing that nobody would hear her, nobody would answer her. “I'm taking you home, sweetheart.”

So that's why. They just wanted a final resting place to all Weasleys; there were not too many of them to bury as the others hadn't been found.

As always, you're my guardian angel :D Thanks for the corrections!



Name: BKL8008 (Signed) · Date: 26/02/2010 01:54 am · Chapter: Chapter 5: We Are Alone

Short and to the point! I was surprised at this twist, but it makes perfect sense!



Author's Response:

Yeah, the story drags a bit in these first few chapters. I usually don't write long chapters.

As I mentioned earlier, this story revolves around a somewhat impossible pair: Harry and Fleur. I didn't know at first how to get the two together into the plotline; after a few rewrites, this seemed the easiest, most transparent, most believable way.

Thanks for sticking with the story so far and watch out for chapter six, now in the queue. Have a nice weekend! 



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