Well, now when I write my chapter for Ron & Hermione's invite to Draco and Astoria's wedding, you'll get a sense of deja-vu, as I have Draco fighting alongside Ron and Hermione at the battle, but ( obviously ) they survived in MY story.
Great use of memory to give us a brief but important look t part of the battle.
only a few things . . . you know me . . .
giving her organism some well-deserved peace. use body and mind
a Protean charm was out of option was not an option
His smile tainted, teased the Death Eater I think you mean taunted
second chance by whom I always thought insert those between by and whom
Otherwise, a SPLENDID chapter . . . looking forward to more and inspiring me to get back to MY story . . . WHEN I CAN FIND THE TIME!!!!!!!!
HE!HE!HE!
Author's Response:
So, you are back at writing, aren't you? Good news...
That moment of the battle will return in the next chapter again; I hope to get it in the queue asap.
Million thanks for the corrections. I will change the text when I put up the chapter for validation on HPFF; that way both archives will have the same version.
Well, I have good news and good news. . . .
GN#1 I remembered enough of my high school french to be able to translate almost all of your sentences, but I can't tell you if you were spot on or not . . doesn't matter, it was in character and well spoken.
GN#2 Another good chapter, and it's moving the story along nicely.
Only one possible ? "sitting on something wet and in awe realized this blood" I think you might want to consider using horror instead of awe, but that's up to you. or maybe that she was "stunned" to see she was sitting in a pool of blood . . . again, it's up to you
Okay, on to the next chapter!
HE!HE!HE!
Author's Response:
I did have a hard time with this chapters as I never learned French. I learned from previous experiences that I couldn't rely on online translator and there's nobody among my friends who speaks French.
It took me quite a bit of Googling to look up the correct verb conjugation tables; the other bits I was able to fill in on my own.
That ? is a valid remark and I will definitely have to think about which of your suggestions to go with.
Thanks for your wonderful AND HELPFUL - as always - review!
Wow. I can't even guess where this is going now, what with everyone dead! But I'm certainly along for the ride! Great stuff.
Author's Response:
Let me tell you what...me neither :D Just kidding; of course I do know, but there are not too many ways left... As I said, not everyone is dead... There's one survivor... Just read on, a few more slow chapters ahead, then we will change focus. Thanks for R&R!!!
Wow, that was just ... raw. I liked the insight into her Veela side, as well. Nice touch. Thanks also for the translations in the end notes!
Author's Response:
Nobody told it would be a smooth ride... losing everyone you love, your family and friends, all of them just like that IS raw.
Carte blanche... I can shape Fleur the way I like her. Of course there are quite a few fanfics out there about her - mostly smut/PWP on ficwad - but I will keep her nice and simple, and her Veela powers WILL play a big role in this story.
GW warned me that those translations would be needed.. silly me... simply forgot to put them in in the endnote first...
Thanks for sticking with the story and reviewing...buckle up!!!
I knew it was either Fleur or Gabrielle, and I was leaning toward Gabrielle as I should have thought Fleur would have been with BIll at the battle, but not in YOUR AU!
Okay, nice little side story about Terry Boot, which was okay as this was WAY before she met Bill. Just an old friend mourning.
Then to find Bill, how heartwrenching.
I get the feeling you weren't kidding when you said this one would be rough to take . . . but it is just fiction.
( Pssst! ANyone who wants to read a story with a ahppy ending . . go read MINE!!!! - just kidding - sorta )
HE!HE!HE!
Author's Response:
Of course you knew that... who else would speak French in Scotland?
I dunno how far the Fleur/Terry angle went in canon. He was her date at the Ball, other than that, JKR wouldn't reveal anything, no matter how nicely I was asking. So, I had to make up something which helped me to show a bit of Fleur's double nature (Veela/Human) and her internal struggle to be accepted as human, not as a sexual freak of nature. More of it later.
Have you ever heard me kidding? of course not! HE!HE!HE!
A good second chapter. I like it when a "minor" character is brought back. I'm sure we'll find out more about why she's there, though, and what role her mentioned friends will play in this. Well done.
Author's Response:
Terry was brought back with a reason. Using this flashback I wanted to show more of the REAL Fleur, who's 100% woman, first of all, and only 25% Veela.
This story will be long and I plan to cover about 11-12 years, of course not each and every moment of 4500 days. Therefore some patience is needed before the REAL story unfolds. I hope I can keep it up to par.
THANKS FOR REVIEWING!
This just grabs the reader and pulls him into this dark AU, wanting (but yet not) to see how bad it has become. Who is this stranger? We can guess.
I've batted this idea around as well for an AU, only one in which followed from the DH canon. This beginning makes me not want to attempt it! Well done.
Author's Response: If such an acclaimed writer speaks like this about my work, well, what can I say? You have made my day with your heart-warming words! This is my darkest story to date, and ... well ... it has become bad. You will see. About the stranger, I'm sure you know who she is; she will be one of the main characters. Hmmm, having read "Dust" I can most certainly be sure you would have made another gem of this idea, so why not just go with it? I'd most certainly be interested in R&R-ing it, so do attempt it, PLEASE!
Okay, this is a WHOLE new twist to the story and sets us up for an entirely different reality . . . as that cloaked figure found out . . and I have my own ideas as to whom that might be, too, but I'll get to that later in another review.
Only 2 teeny, tiny boo-boos, cheri, in paragraph 7 it should be "old, forgotten magic" Unforgotten doesn't fit . . . see what I mean?
and in the next to last paragraph "huge gashing wound on her forehead" , shouldn't it be "on the ( or its ) forehead" as we have no idea who is dead, male or female.
Other than that, shocking circumstances and horrible picture of Hogwarts and its defenders, but that's Baldie Voldie for you!
Looking forward to more . . . you KNOW I'll be right there, devouring every word!
HE!HE!HE!
Author's Response: Congratulations on reaching 700! I'm glad it's still on time for the Thon :D Yeah, this is the very same story I've been boasting about on Facebook :D Not for the faint-hearted, it will be totally different from anything I've written to date. Even darker than Shadowlands. Shocking, horrible, but with a reason. You will see. I hope to have a few chapters digestible very soon. Thanks for reviewing and being awesome!
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