Okay, Jessi, nitpicky things first.

"Why are their only two followers of God allowed down there?"  Should be "Why are there..."

It is our Fathers word and therefor, it is the law."

"He has not repent of his sins! Adam!"  Should be "He has not repented..."

Banishing them away, he rubbed his cloack over his face (cloak)

Wait, who's Daniel and what happened to Abel.  Wasn't he slain by Cain before Eve died? 

I would stick with Lucifer or Satan, but not both as they have very different connotations based on their names and historical references.  Personally, I would just use the Devil, but all are good references for modern Christians.

 This story is beautifully written in your warm and sensitive style.  I find your writing flows off the page with ease, even with tough subject matter like this.

 You know my current religious feelings, but you might not know that I was raised Southern Baptist, so I actually have a feel for what you are writing here.  I like Death being a brother angel to the other (arch)angels.  Canonically, I have a few questions.  I'm pretty sure that the Bible states that Adam and Eve were taken directly to God, like you have Death doing here.  At the time the Old Testament was written, the Jews who wrote it didn't believe in Hell as we have the concept of it today.  Sheol (spelling?) is I believe, more like Hades in Greek mythology (I could be wrong, it's been a while since I read Hebrew studies).

 As a story, I find it an inspiring testament to faith, with it being clear that Death has faith both in God's plan and his own part in it.