Hi Kristen!
It's celticbard from the TGS review exchange, here to take a look at your story as requested. First off, let me just apologize for taking so long to get to this. I didn't realize the next round of the exchange had been posted until about an hour. Silly me! If I had known earlier, I would have gotten to this right away. Sorry for making you wait.

Alright, before I continue with my review, I have to add a little disclaimer here. I'm a native New Yorker and I was in the city during September 11th. I was a young teenager at the time and I can say, without being overly dramatic, that it was the most horrific day of my life, the only time I really thought I might die. I saw and experienced everything first-hand and I can remember, quite clearly, running hysterically through the streets with my shirt over my face as the ash fell--we thought there was anthrax in the air or that we might all be gassed. So, I have to admit, this story was very, very, very hard for me to read, which surprised me actually, because I try not to think about September 11th a lot. I really want to try my best, however, to review this story as a piece of historical fiction/memoir. So please do forgive me if this review seems a little biased or emotional, it's certainly not my intention.

Now, onto the review! Writing-wise, you are clearly very talented. The imagery was fantastic. I especially loved the phrase "Alice hears something serpentine spat..." What wonderful alliteration! Your phrasing truly gives me a feel for the moment and Alice's own poignant naivety. Also, your characters were fantastically written. Alice's point-of-view in particular was mastered with both skill and ease. She's clearly a little girl, but I'm so happy you didn't feel the need to "dumb down" her thoughts and make them overly childish. Furthermore, her observations run the gamut from heartfelt to heart-breaking.

The narrator is also a wonderful character. I can certainly relate to her experience in the hospital. (To be honest, I hate them, even though both my parents are medical professionals.) Her pre-surgery jitters are deftly linked with the growing drama on the airplane and I just loved the scene in the car with her family. The mention of the USS The Sullivans was fantastic--it completed the sense of American culture and patriotism that would come to surround Sept. 11th. Masterful writing, all-around.

As far as the plot and subject matter goes, I think you handled them with both sensitivity and maturity. The writing was unbiased and open, allowing for me to absorb the atmosphere and dramatic situation.

As I mentioned before, I tend to stay away from anything that has to do with Sept. 11th. I don't even watch the annual memorial on TV. However, reading this story was a bit of a cathartic experience for me and I'm glad I had the opportunity to review it.

You are a talented writer, Kristen. I will certainly keep an eye out for your work. Good luck and take care!

Best,
celticbard

Hey Kristen! Here from TGS with the review you requested :)

9/11 is a very emotional, moving thing to remember, especially those of us who remember it clearly. You approached it gracefully and tactfully. Combining your own personal experience, with a fictional story was wonderful. It made it all the more real. Also, I love that it's all from a child's perspective. Gives it an innocent sort of view.

Really, really good Kristen. I love how you formatted it, with the times. And the balance of description and dialogue is lovely.

Great story

XOXO
Shiloh

Hey!  It's Emma with your requested review - I've been on Gluttony for yonks and yonks, so this is my old hpff name. XD

Moving on! I read this the other day, and I was almost in tears by the end.  Perhaps it was just remembering the terror I felt back in 2001 - I was seven, and in England at the time, so... I didn't exactly have the best grasp of the situation.  But NYC's my birthplace and we have friends there, so I was terrified - by the end of it I would run out of the room the second the news came on.

I don't think it was just memories that caused that, though.  This is an absolutely STUNNING piece of writing, Kristen - I would be immensely proud of it if I were you.  Heck, I wish I were you just so I could say I wrote this. :P  But really - the way you captured the whole situation was amazing.  The opening scene, with the taxi driver...I honestly don't have words to review this.  It was so REAL - you could seriously imagine it happening, and the way they got through security as the airport staff were changing, one getting off early... I'm in tears for real now.  Geez, Kristen. XD

The most spine-tingling part by far is '“Alice, honey,” she says, her brown eyes shining, “talk to Daddy; it’s time to say goodbye.”'  I can't tell you how much that's just so chilling and heart-wrenching and Merlin, girl.  The way you weaved a completely normal story - of you waiting for your surgery - was genius, because there was a huge contrast between what you were going through and what Alice and her mother were going through.

And because I still have no words and honestly, I can't review this at all and I"m so sorry - you can request a different one if you like, anything at all - I shall leave you with my favourite line in the entire thing (which happens to now be my favourite thing on this entire site):

'A hot, garish, orange light consumes and blinds Alice. And Alice touches the face of God.'

10/10

- emma xx

Wow...  That was sooo well written, Kristen, and so moving.  I really loved the way you used a few different narratives and put them together with the times.  The first section, with the cab driver and the terrorists, was especially good.  I never really thought about what they did before they hijacked the planes, but you really made me think, which is good.  Then the part where one of the terrorists picked up Alice's teddy bear, that just hit me in the stomach, like, wow, it's such a normal thing to do while they knew what they were about to do on that plane...

I really love how you intertwined what you went through on September 11th with the fictional narrative.  Everyone knows what they were doing when they found out the planes hit and everyone's story is unique.  No one in our generation is going to forget what they were doing that fateful day.  Every generation seems to have something like that, those flashbulb memories where you will never forget what you were doing when it happened.  No matter how much time goes by, we'll never forget.  I was only 12 at the time, but I'll always remember.  It's always interesting to read about everyone's stories about what they were doing when the planes hit.  Putting that in made your story that much more poignant.

I don't really have any constructive criticism for you because I was just really impressed by this!  It was very easy to follow and the multiple narratives worked very well.  Great job! :)