This was definitely different, but a good kind of different as it intrigues me where you're planning on taking this story off to. I have the same critic I had on the prologue, which is there were a few typos here and there. Over all, though, I think the suspense and plot is shaping out nicely. You have a nice balance between dialogue and description, too. Keep writing!
:) Leslie
Author's Response:
Hi, there, living.free from TGS here to review as requested! Sorry for the wait, by the way, RL has been busy.
I really like the opening of this story, it's very suspenseful, but does its job of really pulling in the reader, at least it did for me. The only criticism I have to add to the table is that there were a few typos that I passed over while reading. My suggestion would be to find a beta (there's a beta section in the help wanted sub-forum on TGS) who can help proofread your chapters for you and it'll help you to improve and learn more about the common mistakes you make as a writer so that you can find them yourself eventually. Over all, though, this is a good start.
:) Leslie
Author's Response:
I'll certainly get a beta :) Thanks for the reivew, and I'm sorry it's taken so long to get the responce to you. It's probably bad that I had actually forgtten that I had posted this story here. I'm glad you thought it was good and thank you so much for the review :)
~Lily
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